I recently had my first fantasy football draft of the season, an auction.

I won’t get (too) into my feelings about fantasy football, but those who have read me know that it’s probably my least favorite fantasy sport, if only because it’s the most “lucky” of them all. This is due to the small sample size (only 16 games!), lack of (relatively) easy to figure out nerds (xFIP, LOB%, BABIP, etc), and, I might argue, strategy in team creation (e.g., in basketball, target PGs who steal, big men who block, never draft Dwight Howard, and target 1-1-1 guys [guys who average 1 three, 1 steal and 1 block per game, or in that neighborhood]).

But at the same time, football is fun precisely because it’s such a crapshoot. Who the fuck knows what’s going on! Last year, Randy Moss was a slam dunk first round pick, and he stunk! Arian Foster was a sleeper, and he was awesome! Shit’s crazy.

The league for which I recently drafted was a 10 team league, but with 20 roster spots, broken down as below:

QB
QB

WR
WR
WR
WR

RB
RB
RB

TE
TE

K

DEF
DEF

Bench (x 6)

So we’re talking some depth here.

Our budget was $250 per team, but there was a strange catch wherein each team had one keeper which was named one week after our draft LAST season, plus $10. Last year, I drafted Jonathan Stewart for $11, and before last ... read more

If you have an e-reader, I have good news: you can now get my book – or any of 19 other great Harper Perennial titles – for just 99¢ in August.

99¢!!! For a whole book that took me months to write and has a bunch of funny pictures! And that people said good stuff about! Like:

- Booklist (“[Mulgrew] clearly subscribes to the Sedaris school of memoir writing”);

- John Hodgman (“Few essayists are as bravely-and hilariously-self-revealing and self-abusing”); and

- Rob McElhenney, star, creator, and producer of IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (“People who grow up like this tend to become agoraphobics, serial killers, or really funny writers. Mulgrew, I think- hope?-is the last of these three things. His stories of childhood made me laugh out loud. Jason: I did your quote; please don’t murder me.”).

So now is a great time to pick up my book and load up your Kindle or Nook or whatever else you got with a number of funny/hip/cool titles. You can get months worth of reading materials for about the cost of a burger and beer!

And of course, please feel free to spread the word and alert any and all of your e-reader friends. This is only for the month of August. 99¢! What is this world coming to?

Thank you in advance. I can promise you that my book is definitely worth 99¢ – it’s at least in the $1.15-$1.20 range, so you’re getting some serious bang for your ... read more

I think these sort of speak for themselves, no?

(And yes, that is a perfectly curved turd with a mushroom cloud above it. It’s the crapture, baby.)

Come join us for the 14th Annual “Drink Until You Shit!” tour on Saturday, August 13 in North Wildwood, NJ. As always, we’re starting at 4pm at Casey’s at 3rd and New York Avenues. Get there.

Eleven days before my 32nd birthday, and today I ordered a nose and ear hair trimmer. To be honest, I’m surprised it’s taken this long for me to need it.

(Also seeing “32nd birthday” in print kinda scared the shit out of me. When my dad was 32, I was nine – and he had two other kids, aged five and two. However, I have two large TVs and have slept with a ginormous number of people, so it’s cool.)

(And by “people” I mean girls/women and whatever the hell went down after that Wilco show in 2003.)

Some treats saved from my recent trip to the UK on the berfday of the USA.

Go America! But seriously, we need to get more creative with our potato chips.