My brother, who, like I mentioned, is studying abroad in Spain, loaned me his laptop because he can’t use it over there. I don’t know why – I guess maybe they don’t have computers in Spain? I don’t know.

Last night I busted it out for the first time, and spent two hours looking for porn on it. I searched everywhere. I did the “Find Files” function for hot words like “adult”, “sex”, “ass”, and even “balls”. Nothing. Then, not trusting the computer’s results, I searched through every folder and clicked on every icon myself, and still nothing. I got so desperate, I started playing mp3s at random, hoping that one of them might unlock the secret and provide me with some fine clips from the adult entertainment industry. Nothing.

But though I have found nothing yet, I refuse to believe that there is no porn on it. Why am I talking about this? If anyone has any suggestions as to how to find it, please, please help me. I don’t have much else going on, and this would really mean a lot to me. Seriously. Please. And it would be very good karma for you, so everybody wins.

Just had this conversation with a guy who works in my building, who took a long weekend to visit his family outside DC:

Me: “How was the long weekend?”
Him: “Well, kinda tough. It was my younger sister’s birthday, and my mother died recently, so it was tough not having her around – my father died when we were very young. And now my older brother is dying, and he’s always been, you know, the fiery one of the siblings, so it was a new family dynamic, as now I sort of have to be the leader of the family, and it was really strange….”

Good GOD man. I was looking for a simple, “relaxing” or “nice to get out of the city.” That’s the last time I ask anyone how their weekend was – ever. Not the best way to start a Monday morning. Maybe I should give him some of my Xanax?