Articles Archive for 8 June 2004
by the way, thanks for all the input for the new music to check out, and keep the suggestions coming. I’ll be stealing quite a bit of music when I get home tonight!
As I mentioned before (see 5/26), I have a counter on this site, which tells me all sorts of different things: hits per day, search words used to find this site, time zones that people view the site from, etc.
This is great for someone like me – a creepy, creepy dude. A few things worth sharing:
- I have gotten an astronomically disproportionate number of hits resulting from people searching Google (or Yahoo or MSN) for “Clay Aiken grabbing boobs” or some variation thereof. To put it in perspective, since Sunday, 13 people have searched “Jason Mulgrew” and found this site. 44 (!) have searched for Clay grabbing some titties (apparently, the tits belong to his make-up artist) and come to the site.
Jesus Christ people – you are fucking weird. Why the hell do you care about Clay Aiken grabbing boobs? Isn’t he gay anyway? What the fuck?
- A few other precious search terms that brought people to the site: bushel of crabs pix, I made out with my brother, heidi klum + dog or puppy or canine, janice argyle karate and mom likes girls.
Sick people. Sick.
- We are slipping in the mountain time zone. Please, let’s get the word out in the mountain time zone. For God’s sake.
- Sometimes, I can get the domain name (I’m not sure if this is technically what it’s called) of people who view the site. For example, say you work at Goldman Sachs. When you are on the site, it might say something like “gs.com”.
However, 95% of the time this is not the case, because most people have IP addresses (again, I’m not sure if this is technically what it’s called), so it just says something like “134.596.221.10″.
Yet I have noticed that some people at CBS have been reading a lot of the site recently. I’m sure this is someone in the mailroom (not that there’s anything wrong with working in the mailroom), but if it’s not, please hire me. I’ll do anything you want – handjobs, ass-play, you name it, and I’ll do it better than it’s ever been done before. I promise. Just hire me. Please. My email is in the upper right and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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Also, thought you all would like to know that in an uncontrollable fit of hunger I spilled ranch dressing all over my crotch while having lunch in my office.
Apparently, I thought I could apply the dressing to my sandwich with a (plastic) knife and shove some Sun Chips in my mouth with the same hand, and I dropped the knife, covered in ranch, onto my black pants directly in my genital region. Despite my best efforts to rinse it out, I have faded white blotches all over the crotch of my black pants.
There are only two other things worse to spill on your crotch: 1) bleu cheese; and 2) semen.
It’s a good thing that I don’t have anything to do really, aside from sitting here and sweating, watching the clock and counting down until 5:30.
This is great for someone like me – a creepy, creepy dude. A few things worth sharing:
- I have gotten an astronomically disproportionate number of hits resulting from people searching Google (or Yahoo or MSN) for “Clay Aiken grabbing boobs” or some variation thereof. To put it in perspective, since Sunday, 13 people have searched “Jason Mulgrew” and found this site. 44 (!) have searched for Clay grabbing some titties (apparently, the tits belong to his make-up artist) and come to the site.
Jesus Christ people – you are fucking weird. Why the hell do you care about Clay Aiken grabbing boobs? Isn’t he gay anyway? What the fuck?
- A few other precious search terms that brought people to the site: bushel of crabs pix, I made out with my brother, heidi klum + dog or puppy or canine, janice argyle karate and mom likes girls.
Sick people. Sick.
- We are slipping in the mountain time zone. Please, let’s get the word out in the mountain time zone. For God’s sake.
- Sometimes, I can get the domain name (I’m not sure if this is technically what it’s called) of people who view the site. For example, say you work at Goldman Sachs. When you are on the site, it might say something like “gs.com”.
However, 95% of the time this is not the case, because most people have IP addresses (again, I’m not sure if this is technically what it’s called), so it just says something like “134.596.221.10″.
Yet I have noticed that some people at CBS have been reading a lot of the site recently. I’m sure this is someone in the mailroom (not that there’s anything wrong with working in the mailroom), but if it’s not, please hire me. I’ll do anything you want – handjobs, ass-play, you name it, and I’ll do it better than it’s ever been done before. I promise. Just hire me. Please. My email is in the upper right and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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Also, thought you all would like to know that in an uncontrollable fit of hunger I spilled ranch dressing all over my crotch while having lunch in my office.
Apparently, I thought I could apply the dressing to my sandwich with a (plastic) knife and shove some Sun Chips in my mouth with the same hand, and I dropped the knife, covered in ranch, onto my black pants directly in my genital region. Despite my best efforts to rinse it out, I have faded white blotches all over the crotch of my black pants.
There are only two other things worse to spill on your crotch: 1) bleu cheese; and 2) semen.
It’s a good thing that I don’t have anything to do really, aside from sitting here and sweating, watching the clock and counting down until 5:30.
Ronald Reagan, you are a hero and a saint. You will be remembered for all the great things that you did for our country: guiding us through the Iran-Contra Affair, ending the Cold War, and presiding over the country at the height of its pop culture awesomeness. I personally would like to take this time to thank you for getting us the day off this Friday. Because of your sacrifice so that thousands, perhaps millions of Americans could have this upcoming three day weekend, I am dedicating this weekend’s drinking to you.
God bless you, and may your spirit, dignity, and integrity live on through time immemorial.
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The Tampa Bay Lightening won the Stanley Cup. Yes, Tampa Bay has a hockey team. And apparently they are pretty good. And I couldn’t care less. And no, I’m not bitter that a city that has two sports teams, one (the Bucs) that started in 1977 and one (the Lightening) that started in 1992, has two championships in the past three years. If there’s one thing Tampa Bay is known for, it’s its die-hard sports fans.
Jerkoffs.
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Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells made a racial slur against the Japanese in a press conference yesterday, when, speaking of surprise plays, he said, “Mike wants the defense to do well, and Sean, he’s going to have a few… no disrespect for the Orientals, but what we call Jap plays. OK, surprise things.”
For the record, I find this particularly offensive, as my aunt is Japanese and I have two half-Japanese cousins, and I am in general a very sensitive guy. And “Orientals”? To paraphrase Walter Sobchek, the preferred nomenclature is “Asian-Americans.”
What is even more interesting is in his apology, he attempts to ameliorate his statement by saying, “I made a very inappropriate reference, and although I prefaced it with the remark, ‘no disrespect to anyone intended,’ it was still uncalled for and inconsiderate.”
God, how many times have I used this tactic. “Look, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings when just before you and I were about to have sex I said, ‘You’re clean, right?’ For the record, I did preface that question by saying, ‘Just out of curiosity.’ So you see that me inquiring about whether or not you had any contagious STD’s was not a reflection of your morals or shady past, but rather a natural result of my insatiable curiosity. Nevertheless, if you were offended, I am not sorry, but I will concede that my remark was not appropriate. Also, I’d like to point out that you did not answer the question. Please do so at your earliest convenience.”
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My I-Pod has the capacity to hold about 4,700 songs. I have about 2,200 on there now. And I am completely out of songs to download.
Keep in mind, I wouldn’t describe myself as a “casual music fan” – I have about 350 cds, and take great pride in my impeccable and eclectic taste in music. Still, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll sit at the computer desperately trying to come up with songs to download, and think, “I don’t know…maybe there’s some good Dylan songs from the 80′s I can download.” Then I’ll think, “Hey, remember that porn clip we had on our computer in college? The one where the dude brings the chick home from the beach, then calls his buddy, and he comes over and has sex with her in the shower with his jeans still on? That was awesome.” And then I’ll think, “Hey, you know what else was awesome? That BBQ chicken burrito we had last Thursday from Blockhead’s. Perfect size, great distribution of sour cream, really good. God damn I am a fat bastard.”
So I implore you, if you have any suggestions for some music (bands, songs, albums) I should check out, send me an email at eiwwm@lycos.com. I’m very open-minded when it comes to music, so I’ll give anything a try. Not so open-minded when it comes to women in positions of power or minority doctors, but I really can’t be faulted for that.
God bless you, and may your spirit, dignity, and integrity live on through time immemorial.
********************************************************
The Tampa Bay Lightening won the Stanley Cup. Yes, Tampa Bay has a hockey team. And apparently they are pretty good. And I couldn’t care less. And no, I’m not bitter that a city that has two sports teams, one (the Bucs) that started in 1977 and one (the Lightening) that started in 1992, has two championships in the past three years. If there’s one thing Tampa Bay is known for, it’s its die-hard sports fans.
Jerkoffs.
********************************************************
Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells made a racial slur against the Japanese in a press conference yesterday, when, speaking of surprise plays, he said, “Mike wants the defense to do well, and Sean, he’s going to have a few… no disrespect for the Orientals, but what we call Jap plays. OK, surprise things.”
For the record, I find this particularly offensive, as my aunt is Japanese and I have two half-Japanese cousins, and I am in general a very sensitive guy. And “Orientals”? To paraphrase Walter Sobchek, the preferred nomenclature is “Asian-Americans.”
What is even more interesting is in his apology, he attempts to ameliorate his statement by saying, “I made a very inappropriate reference, and although I prefaced it with the remark, ‘no disrespect to anyone intended,’ it was still uncalled for and inconsiderate.”
God, how many times have I used this tactic. “Look, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings when just before you and I were about to have sex I said, ‘You’re clean, right?’ For the record, I did preface that question by saying, ‘Just out of curiosity.’ So you see that me inquiring about whether or not you had any contagious STD’s was not a reflection of your morals or shady past, but rather a natural result of my insatiable curiosity. Nevertheless, if you were offended, I am not sorry, but I will concede that my remark was not appropriate. Also, I’d like to point out that you did not answer the question. Please do so at your earliest convenience.”
********************************************************
My I-Pod has the capacity to hold about 4,700 songs. I have about 2,200 on there now. And I am completely out of songs to download.
Keep in mind, I wouldn’t describe myself as a “casual music fan” – I have about 350 cds, and take great pride in my impeccable and eclectic taste in music. Still, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll sit at the computer desperately trying to come up with songs to download, and think, “I don’t know…maybe there’s some good Dylan songs from the 80′s I can download.” Then I’ll think, “Hey, remember that porn clip we had on our computer in college? The one where the dude brings the chick home from the beach, then calls his buddy, and he comes over and has sex with her in the shower with his jeans still on? That was awesome.” And then I’ll think, “Hey, you know what else was awesome? That BBQ chicken burrito we had last Thursday from Blockhead’s. Perfect size, great distribution of sour cream, really good. God damn I am a fat bastard.”
So I implore you, if you have any suggestions for some music (bands, songs, albums) I should check out, send me an email at eiwwm@lycos.com. I’m very open-minded when it comes to music, so I’ll give anything a try. Not so open-minded when it comes to women in positions of power or minority doctors, but I really can’t be faulted for that.