I do spend all of my time at work trolling the internet for news articles about sexual/masturbatory deviance. It builds my self-esteem to know that there are people out there just like me, and gives me a glimmer of hope that I’m the normal one, and those who don’t beat off in front of a mirror or with a cold uncooked chicken breast (skinless, of course) are the strange ones.

I’m glad that we were finally able to be honest with each other about that.

[Honestly, it's always nice to get articles like this from your friends with notes that say, "Thought of you when I saw this" or "Thought you'd like this." Makes me feel really good, let me tell you. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy them, but still...]

This just goes to show that people like me can make it in life – they can even become a judge.

The new best thing I’ve ever read: “‘On one occasion, Ms. (Lisa) Foster (Thompson’s court reporter for 15 years), saw Judge Thompson holding his penis up and shaving underneath it with a disposable razor while on the bench,’ the petition reads.”

And hey – you have to give the guy credit for offering some comic relief during such a stressful time: “According to the petition, Thompson admitted he had a penis pump under the bench during a murder trial but he told investigators it was a gag gift from a friend.”

I mean, you couldn’t make this stuff up. Wow.

I don’t know who this guy is, but he is awesome.

The best line I’ve read in a long time: “They were shocked to find photographs of the man’s genitals sitting on their drinking cups, bottles and food.”

Also, there’s about a 85% chance that this guy is related to me. He could possibly even be my long-lost father.

I’ll have to ask around to see if any family members have been in Colorado recently.