Articles Archive for 6 May 2005
I am very upset right now because I don’t think I’m going to be able to post Part II of my Guide to Stripping. I was out sick yesterday and so today I am absolutely slammed with work. To recap, I was sick on both St. Paddy’s Day and Cinco de Mayo, so it’s official that my boss thinks I’m a drunk. Of course, he is entirely correct to think this, but the sad thing is that I really was actually sick on both of these days. If you want, I could lie and tell you that I spent all day yesterday drinking tequila and fighting Mexicans, but I just don’t have the energy or imagination. I spent the day in my apartment, pooping and reading a book about rats. Fucking awesome.
And now work is out of control and it doesn’t look like Part II will be put up today. Yes, I think we can say for sure that my first week of Monday-Wednesday-Friday posting was a complete disaster. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of you, because if we know one thing, it’s that I stink at life. I mean, duh.
So I’ll try to get it up (it’s about half-written), but since I’m not sure I wanted to at least drop a line to say in a roundabout way a) I suck and b) I’m sorry. I promise that I will do some serious soul-searching over the weekend and be reinvigorated next week. And yes, that’s a total lie, but I really need to wrap this up and get back to work immediately. Crap.
I don’t usually talk about how many hits I get on this site, but I definitely do masturbate to them. Nothing gets me more aroused than seeing more and more people come to this site, and just one look at my site’s web counter usually leads me to an intense self-love session, as I look over the rising number of unique visitors and say things like, “Lap it up, you sons of bitches” and “Sop it up like the pigs you are, you fucking assholes” the like, while vigorously bringing myself to climax.
Friday is usually the slowest day on the site, meaning that’s when the least hits come in. At first, I thought this was strange, as many people I’ve met tell me they check the site once a week and on Friday, as they wait for the weekend and try to kill the day in any way possible. It took me some time and some emailing, but I figured out why Friday is my slowest day. When I post at 2pm on Friday in New York, it’s 7pm/8pm in Europe and anywhere from 2am to 4am in Australasia (regions where I am so fucking hot – there is actually a street named after me in Taipei and a “Jason Mulgrew’s Hair Salon and Other Shit” in Perth). Thus a noticeably smaller number of hits on Fridays.
That being said, I have already gotten a disproportionate number of hits today in the form of first time visitors, but I don’t know where everyone is coming from. Usually this is easily tracked (i.e. when the NY Daily News gave me the shout-out and boatloads of people came over to be disgusted and disappointed), but in this instance I got nothing. I know it may sound amateurish – Internet Quasi-Celebrities (notice the caps) shouldn’t concern themselves with a few hundred extra visitors – but my egotism/curiosity compels me to ask: where the hell are all you guys coming from on a Friday morning?
[Answer: fazed.net AND screenhead.com. Welcome. If you dig it, pass it on.]