First, thank you to all who replied with the name of the hot Levi‘s model that I mentioned last Friday.  Chris from Philly was the first to tell me that it‘s the lovely and talented Tracy Zahoryin who starred in those commercials.

 

(Here‘s one guy‘s tribute to her.  Scroll down for pictures and be filled with awe.)

 

(Actually, the Levi‘s ones are the only ones worth looking at really.  In retrospect, she’s not as good-looking as I thought, and I’m kinda sad.)

 

But the point is that once again, I made a call for help and many of you answered.  God bless the internet.  Thank you Chris, and Tracy, I‘ll see you soon.  Cave pervert. 

 

In other emails, after reading my Keith Sweat story, my buddy Chris from just outside of Philly (different from Chris from Philly above) wrote:

 

For the record, the best song to “have relations” with is “Also Sprach Zarathustra”. I actually did it in college with a Phish bootleg and if you can time it perfectly so that you’re hitting it with the climax part of the song, you’re pretty much the f’n man. It’s also good because since it’s a phish bootleg you’re just playing it off like it’s some concert and “whoops this song just kind of came on.”  By far the best song for when “two become one”.

 

2nd place: “Dogs singing Jingle Bells”… if you pull that off, well you’re pretty much the f’n man.

 

Fuck “Zarathustra“ – stop whatever you are doing now and download those dogs singing “Jingle Bells“.  When I first read Chris’s email, I quickly brought up my Limewire to download the dogs.  Five seconds later I was on the floor with pee pee coming out my willy because I was laughing so hard.  Then I listened to the dogs barking “Jingle Bells“ on full volume about ten times in a row, causing my roommate Brian to barge into my room to say, “Dude, what the FUCK are you doing in here?“ 

 

This songs wins.  Hands down.  As a matter of fact, I DARE you to come up with something better than that.  And please, don’t inundate me with stupid suggestions (“Dude, the best song to make out to is anything by the Spice Girls“).  If you are unfamiliar with the rules, please read the Keith Sweat story (scroll down to the bottom of the post). 

 

JC from Charlotte wrote in with an interesting theory:

 

I’d like to run something by you for your consideration. It happened to me a couple of years ago, but I wasn’t reading your blog at that time. And since then, I’ve discovered what a sage you are when it comes to all things women.

I went to visit some friends in Atlanta (I’m in Charlotte) for a long weekend. One of the buddies was living with a platonic girlfriend at the time, and during that weekend they threw a nice little party (PJ, keg, and tons of whiskey). The girlfriend/roommate was an attractive brunette, freckles, the natural look, and kind of tall (5′8-5′10′), but she was a little overweight. Nothing to frown upon, but nothing to write home to mother either (assuming you write home to you mother about chicks you’d like to hump).

So one drink leads to the next and we end up naked in bed. We do the deed, sleep it off, feel awkward in the morning and then stay in touch via random emails for the next few months. No biggie.

A year or so after that a mutual friend was married and I saw the girlfriend/roommie at the wedding. She’d dropped a good 25 lbs. and was just SMOKIN’ hot. Double take hot. Can’t believe I slept with this woman hot.  So naturally I went over to make conversation and see if she’s interested in doing a little sheet dancin’ later that evening.

 

The reaction I got from her was, as best I can describe it, polite disdain. It was just a very odd reaction to my flirting and friendliness. I’ve been shot down before and am pretty well versed in women’s uncomfortable reactions to my humor, but this was a new one to me. I took it in stride that evening only to ponder it later on.

So, while high as a figurative kite, I stumbled on why I think I got the disdain.  I call it the Quantum Leap Cock Block. (after the cheesy TV show, not the actual scientific theory).

This attractive, thin, personable young lady knew of my past relations with a heavy, attractive, personable young lady (her old self) and found it to be in poor taste. In other words, she didn’t want to be with a guy who has hooked up with heavy chicks in his past. So my hooking up with her while she was heavy kept me from hooking up with her when she was thin.

Is it possible to cock block your future self with the same girl? I’m positive that I’m not explaining this well enough to make any sense, because it’s making my head hurt just thinking about it…sober. But if you can muddle through the details here, I’d love to get your take on this strange phenomenon.

 

Hmm…this one has all the main mysteries of the universe: physics, cock blocking, and sudden weight loss.  This is going to get ugly.

 

I have to say I have no precedent for this type of thing, nor have I heard of this type of thing happening to any of my friends.  I’ve heard of two variations:

• Guy hooks up with girl, doesn’t see her for a few months, sees her again and it looks like she’s been spending time living in a cave eating dynamite and babies, but hooks up with her anyway because it’s convenient; 
• Guy breaks up with girl, doesn’t see her for a few months, sees her again and she’s hotter than when they dated.  Tries to hook up with her to no avail, but not because he cock blocked himself by hooking up with her in the past, but because their emotional history/baggage prevents the hook up.