sinatra hangover, knee pain, draft results, haircut laughter, m&c and mexican, music, maine
Jason posted on August 31, 2006
I don’t know about you guys, but nothing ameliorates a hangover for me quite like listening to Frank Sinatra. I was so hungover on Tuesday morning that while standing on the subway platform I seriously contemplated turning around, going home, and calling in sick (thank you, $80 worth of bourbon I drank at d.b.a.). Then "Luck Be A Lady" came on my iPod and I was so invigorated that I had to restrain myself from walking into work with a Manhattan, calling my co-workers "dames" and "fellas", and telling bawdy jokes about negroes, priests, and mobsters.Also, just to put this on the record, I am the best singer I know. 100% true. But whenever I listen to Sinatra now it makes me kinda sad, because I always had this weird dream of serenading my grandmother with a Sinatra song at her birthday party or something (as she was so moved when I sang to the butter pecan Puerto Rican in the Bahamas and also loved Sinatra). But now she’s gone and I won’t be able to sing "Witchcraft" for her. But, to paraphrase Ol’ Blue Eyes himself, that’s life I guess.
The point: I dare you to listen to any of Sinatra’s songs while hungover and NOT feel better. It’s impossible.
("It’s Impossible" is also the title of a lovely Perry Como song. I really think I should quit my job and cut a record of American classics, like my idol Sir Rod Stewart. Would you guys buy this? Can someone get on this for me? Please?)
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Remember when I said that I’d gain back all the weight I lost? Well, we’re on our way.
My knee is fucked up. I hurt it last Sunday when I (and I know I wrote about this many times) ran for over 6 miles, far and away the greatest athletic achievement of my life. It bothered me as soon as I stopped running, but I continued to work out and run every day, as the diet was winding down and I was trying to get below 200.
I have not been running since Friday. I assumed that if I took a few days off, the knee would heal itself. Almost a week later, I’m still walking around with a limp.
I asked my guru, the Bouncer (who, by the way, is a weightlifting visionary and now has a vested interest in turning me from "Jason Mulgrew, Slob" to "Jason Mulgrew, Animal and Inflictor of Pain") about this pain and his response was "Don’t be a pussy - and welcome to the world of working out as an adult." I understand that one should expect a certain amount of pain with working out and yes, I am more than likely a pussy, but when I still can’t walk properly after a week, well, something’s not right.
(Rob said he was going to "kill" me for not doing squats on Monday when I explained to him that because of my knee I can’t get in a crouching position without any weight. He said he still was going to kill me. And I think I believe him. So I’m kind of avoiding him for a little while.)
Meanwhile, I have spiraled into a downward depression since I haven’t been running. I feel worthless and like a failure. But the simple fact is that I can’t run - I can’t even really walk. So what can I do? Feel sorry for myself, apparently.
I called my doctor to make an appointment to get this sorted out, but his next available opening is in late September (apparently "my knee hurts" doesn’t get you to the front of the line at the doctor’s office; I should have said, "My penis is on fire" or "I’m bleeding from my eyes"). So to hell with that. Instead, I’ve given myself an ultimatum: I am running on Tuesday. This knee is going to either magically heal at this time, mostly out of respect for me and my tenacity, or it will blow itself out. At least if the latter happens I get crutches (I look good on crutches) and I’ll have an excuse when I gain all the weight I’ve lost back ("You think I wanted this? I blew out my knee! How about a little compassion, asshole!").
Anyway, since I know you jagoffs just love it when I fail, I wanted to pass on the news. I should be hovering around 250 by Halloween. I’ll keep you posted.
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I had my main fantasy football draft. I had fourth overall pick in a league with 12 teams. We must start two QBs. Below is my team, with the round in which I selected the player in parentheses (I had the 4th overall pick, then 21, 28, 45, etc).
QB: D. McNabb (3)
QB: J. Plummer (5)
RB: T. Barber (1)
RB: K. Jones (2)
WR: Santana Moss (4)
WR: J. Horn (7)
WR: T. Glenn (8)
TE: K. Winslow (14)
WR/RB: J. Lewis (6)
K: D. Akers (15)
DEF: Philadelphia (16)
Bench: D. Rhodes (9)
Bench: B. Johnson (10)
Bench: W. Lundy (11)
Bench: T. Williamson (12)
Bench: J. Stevens (13)
Bench: V. Morency (17)
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m impressed. I have never felt more in control of a draft than I did last night: no surprises, no freak outs, no guys before me stealing people from my queue just before I wanted to pick them. Everything was controlled, calm, and measured. I had to take Tiki 4th and I’m a little bummed I didn’t get Jacobs as a handcuff, but he went too high. I told you I was serious about Detroit - I like Kevin Jones this year and stand by that pick (besides, 16 of the first 20 picks were running backs, and with guys like Julius Jones (14), Willie Parker (15), and Corey Dillon (20) going before him, I was happy that Kevin Jones was still available at 21).
I like my QBs…yes, McNabb was a bit of a homer pick, but I think he’ll do well this year. Likewise with Jake the Snake, who was ranked as the 16th overall player last year (not bad for a 5th round pick and second QB). My WRs, which I usually neglect, are pretty strong. I don’t think Santana Moss will have as big a year, but I like Joe Horn, Terry Glenn, and everything I’ve read about Troy Williamson makes him a nice pick in the 12th.
As I said, I don’t pay much attention to TE, K, or Defense. I accidentally picked Jerramy Stevens when I really wanted Kellen Winslow, so I grabbed Winslow in the next round, so confident was I in my team up to that point. And Akers in the third to last round and the Philly defense in the second to last, well, I think those will be bargains and will at least give me something to root for (in Barber, Moss, and Glenn, I have too many NFC East adversaries).
I like my bench. Brad Johnson, I think, is better than a majority of second QBs on the other teams in my league and I have (right now) three other starting RBs: Jamal Lewis (he’s still only 28), Domenic Rhodes (a rough preseason, but the opening day starting halfback on the best offense in the NFL - in the 9th round), and the combination of Lundy and Morency in Houston, with Davis really banged up. I think at least one of those RBs, if not two, should work out pretty well.
But as I wrote before, the blessing and the curse of football is that since it’s once a week, anything can happen. Unlike baseball or basketball where you can survive if on of your marquee guys misses four or six weeks, if Tiki goes down, I’m in trouble. Let’s hope those 30 year old knees hold up.
But I feel good. Not physically, of course, but fantasy-wise. So that’s nice.
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While getting a haircut this week, I had a laughing attack like I haven’t had since high school.
Remember in school when something stupidly funny would happen while the teacher was talking, and you and your friend would start laughing? And then for whatever reason, you’d keep laughing? The teacher would continue talking and before you know it you and your friend would devolve into shaking heaps of flesh, your laughter completely out of control, tears coming from your eyes?
Well, that happened to me at Super Cuts this week. I was getting another terrible haircut when I thought of a funny, Jackass-type idea. You know how there’s a big flourish when the hairdresser puts the apron on you - it’s the first thing they do when you sit and then they whisk it off you after the haircut, as a way of saying "ta da!" to the new and improved you? Well, might it be kinda funny if during the time the apron is on you, you piss yourself, so that when she finally takes it off you have a huge piss stain in your pants?
…
…
…
No? Well, it was funny at the time.
And more importantly, it caused me to absolutely lose my shit, right there in the chair. At first it started with a mild chuckle. Then I thought to myself, "Dude, stop laughing." Of course, that only made it worse. Before I knew it I was shaking in the chair and the hairdresser had pulled away, asking, slightly pissed off, what was so funny. Since this was a very large black woman who said "MmmmHmm" and "Girlfriend!" several times while talking to her co-worker (I think she even once threw in a random "Chaka Khan!"), I didn’t think she’d get my lame-ass white boy joke if I said, "I was just thinking about pissing my pants," not to mention that she had scissors inches from my eyes, head, and neck. So I said "Nothing, nothing" eventually lamely offering, "I’m a comedian and I just thought of a funny bit." The rest of the haircut was, believe it or not, very awkward.
…
You know what? I just read that over. It’s terrible. Let’s just get moving.
(It was funny at the time - you just had to be there.)
(Dicks.)
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I need some restaurant suggestions from my NYC foodie readers.
First, I’m looking to find the best macaroni and cheese in New York City. If you have a favorite place, please email it to me, including "mac and cheese" in the subject line.
Second, I’ve mentioned that my friend Nicole and I have this thing wherein we go to a nice dinner once a month. One month, she picks and I pay, the next, I pick and she pays.
September is my month and I need your help. I want a nice Mexican place, but I’ve already been to Dos Caminos and Rosa Mexicano and don’t want to go to either one again (though I will if I have to). So tell me one. Note that the place should be "upscale"; one of my favorite Mexican place is Festival Mexicano, where the bean quesadilla is $4, but the point of mine and Nicole’s exercise is that we treat ourselves a little bit, so it can be a bit expensive. If you have a suggestion, please email me with "Mexican" in the subject line.
One last note: though the Mexican restaurant place should be limited to Manhattan, I am willing to travel to the outer boroughs for the best mac and cheese.
Thank you very much for your cooperation. I love you. I really fucking do.
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Six Songs
"Tart" Elvis Costello
A gorgeous and haunting later Elvis Costello song. What I like about him is that he’s matured over the years, adapting his style to his age, not pushing out the same pseudo-punk that he did early in his career (which would just be embarrassing). Also, I kind of look like him.
"Second Hand News" Fleetwood Mac
God I fucking love Fleetwood Mac, even if this song has the dumbest chorus of all time, which goes:
Bam bam bam bam bam-bam
Bam bam bam bam bam-bam
Bam bam bam bam bam-bam
Bam bam bam - Do it!
I’m not embarrassed to say that that moves me.
"The Wonder of You" Elvis Presley
My favorite song by the other Elvis. It reminds me of the wedding of my friends Christine and Louie, where, at 1am, the staff brought out a buffet-style breakfast for the guests. I mean, wow.
(Also, the band sang this song during the breakfast while I stuffed my face with eggs. It was a real moment.)
"Pledging My Love" Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross
Back in the days of BMG, I ripped them off for a number of box sets, including "Marvin Gaye: The Master." Highly, highly recommended. I don’t know what I’d like to do with this song, but it’s so overly sappy that it can’t be taken seriously. So perhaps it should play over a masturbation scene in my future award-winning screenplay. That might work, but I think I need to think about this a little more.
"Denise, Denise" Blondie
Deborah Harry speaking French? Um, yes please! It’s funny, Deborah Harry (really hard for me not to call her "Blondie") was my first love growing up (actually, it was either her or Sandy from Grease) and now I have my choice of hundreds of girls who look and dress like Deborah Harry any night of the week in the Lower East Side. Well, I don’t have my choice exactly, because that would imply that they would like to or at least consent to sleeping with me, but you know what I mean.
"All My Little Words" and "Busby Berkeley Dreams" The Magnetic Fields
All of 69 Love Songs is incredible. Literally, every song is good. These, in my opinion, are the two best. I wish I could tell you how, but I’m getting tired. But I can tell you that I have been listening to them several times a day for over a week now. Great stuff.
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Going to Maine this weekend to drink beer and eat lobster (after tonight’s BC thing, hopefully). Have a happy and safe Labor Day weekend.
