Do yourself a favor and read this article immediately.

Here’s the intro:

Here’s the intro:COLUMBUS, Ohio — Maurice Clarett was charged with carrying a concealed weapon after a highway chase early Wednesday that ended with police using Mace on the former Ohio State running back and finding four loaded guns in his sport utility vehicle, police said.

Officers used Mace to subdue Clarett after a stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

There is no doubt in my mind that Maurice Clarett was going to murder someone.  You don’t go for a casual drive with four loaded guns while wearing a bullet-proof vest.  Trust me.  My dad used to do shit like this all the time growing up.  And it never ended well.

I wish I could offer some additional commentary but I’m too shocked to be funny.  Also, I was up all night having nightmares that I was the main character in a novel I’m reading.  Strange, especially since the character is a Montanan real estate speculator in his early 50’s going through a divorce.  So we don’t have much in common, aside from the divorce.

Anyway, kudos to you, Maurice Clarett.  It’s crazies like you that make me feel less bad about my own actions.  Just when I think I should take a break from drinking, I learn that you were impervious to a tazer.  What a great country we live in.    

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ADDENDUM

After I put up this post, I received this email from my friend Corinne:

"A half-full bottle of vodka was found in the SUV, but no breath test was administered because police had no indication that Clarett was intoxicated.”

Really? No indication that he’d been drinking? Driving around ignoring any and all traffic laws with a bullet proof vest and loaded guns laying about?  Hmm…

Excellent points by Corinne.  I get pulled over all the time and I’m a harmless-looking white guy with a beard.  Clarett is a giant black man, resisting arrest and tazers, with a half-full bottle of vodka and four loaded guns in his car.  Oh yeah – and he’s wearing a bullet-proof vest.  I guess that’s normal behavior in Ohio.  Which means, of course, I’m moving there. 

Any readers out there want to show me around?  I’ll bring the Kevlar vests.