favorites: girl, booze tour, food
15 May 2007
1) Sarah Shahi, the girl who played Sonya on Sunday night’s "Sopranos" (which I won’t get into, by the way, since I’m still not ready to talk about it yet), is the most beautiful woman who has ever been created by god, man, animal, mad scientist, or psychotropic drug-induced hallucination. No…words…sex crime…imminent.
(She is also on "The L Word," but since I have a penis that is technically intended for women – though there is admittedly scant empirical evidence to back this up – I do not watch that show. But I will start. Tonight.)
I was thinking about this the other day, and of the eight or so girls who could be considered semi-girlfriends* of mine (god, what an illustrious and exclusive list that is), not a single one had brown eyes, and most had light hair. This is odd, because I’ve never thought that I had a particular "type" I was attracted to - aside from, of course, profoundly boobied. And yet my romantic history says otherwise. Not a single brown-eyed dark-haired girl in the lot. Hmm.
But I have been going through a serious brunette phase as of late. Meaning, I’ve been leering especially criminally at brunettes that I pass on the street lately. And Sarah, I have been reintroduced to you at the wrong time. I say "reintroduced" because I remember the Maxim spread that you did way back in 2002. That nearly put me in a home (I can’t remember which kind of home), but I made it. Barely. This time, it might be different.
So Sarah, I mean, I don’t even know what to say to you. I’m not quite at the "Oh yes – we will be together" point just yet, but that should happen sometime this weekend, probably after that first bottle of wine at my friend Corinne’s birthday dinner on Friday. So you should probably get out of town for a little bit. Just trust me on this. And good luck.
(*"Semi-girlfriend" is defined as all official, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, as well as other relationships that meet certain criteria, including but not limited to "We’ve never been on a date but we’ve been sleeping together every three weeks for a year," "I spent $3500 on you in four months," "I liked you quite a bit and everything was going well but your brother and I got in a fistfight and that was pretty much it but at least we both can agree that he’s a drug addict," etc.)
2) In less than two months: the 9th Annual Flood-Mulgrew Quasi-Celebrity "Drink Until You Shit" Tour.
We will hold the annual bar crawl Saturday, July 14 in North Wildwood, New Jersey. We’re still discussing specifics, but y’all should book your hotel rooms and start saving for the t-shirts now. Two years ago, we got 30 shirts and about 50 people attended. Last year, we got 80 shirts and about 120 people attended. This year, we’re getting 300 shirts. It’s going to be a true drinking spectacular. I don’t really know what this means or entails, but I’m guessing it will end with me in the Wawa at 3rd & New Jersey just after 3am ordering a hot turkey sandwich, then forgetting I ordered and ordering another hot turkey sandwich. Neither will go to waste.
(Also, I don’t seriously expect any of you to attend, but you’re more than welcome to. It’s basically an all-evening/night drinking tour in which a lot of people who pronounce water "wudder" will get blind drunk and complain about their local sports teams. We may however, depending on the turnout, have shirts for sale on here, but that would require me trying to make money from this site, something I am really not good at doing. I’ll keep you posted.)
3) If you want to see me at my happiest, check out the picture on my MySpace page of me eating creamed chipped beef. Sure, it’s a little terrifying, but that’s love does to you.
(God, I miss creamed chipped beef. I seriously think it may cause me to move back to Philly one day. I can’t wait until I finally reach the day when I say to myself, "You know what? Fuck it. Time to go home, gain 70 pounds, and get a dog. I’m done. Thanks very much.")
(She is also on "The L Word," but since I have a penis that is technically intended for women – though there is admittedly scant empirical evidence to back this up – I do not watch that show. But I will start. Tonight.)
I was thinking about this the other day, and of the eight or so girls who could be considered semi-girlfriends* of mine (god, what an illustrious and exclusive list that is), not a single one had brown eyes, and most had light hair. This is odd, because I’ve never thought that I had a particular "type" I was attracted to - aside from, of course, profoundly boobied. And yet my romantic history says otherwise. Not a single brown-eyed dark-haired girl in the lot. Hmm.
But I have been going through a serious brunette phase as of late. Meaning, I’ve been leering especially criminally at brunettes that I pass on the street lately. And Sarah, I have been reintroduced to you at the wrong time. I say "reintroduced" because I remember the Maxim spread that you did way back in 2002. That nearly put me in a home (I can’t remember which kind of home), but I made it. Barely. This time, it might be different.
So Sarah, I mean, I don’t even know what to say to you. I’m not quite at the "Oh yes – we will be together" point just yet, but that should happen sometime this weekend, probably after that first bottle of wine at my friend Corinne’s birthday dinner on Friday. So you should probably get out of town for a little bit. Just trust me on this. And good luck.
(*"Semi-girlfriend" is defined as all official, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, as well as other relationships that meet certain criteria, including but not limited to "We’ve never been on a date but we’ve been sleeping together every three weeks for a year," "I spent $3500 on you in four months," "I liked you quite a bit and everything was going well but your brother and I got in a fistfight and that was pretty much it but at least we both can agree that he’s a drug addict," etc.)
2) In less than two months: the 9th Annual Flood-Mulgrew Quasi-Celebrity "Drink Until You Shit" Tour.
We will hold the annual bar crawl Saturday, July 14 in North Wildwood, New Jersey. We’re still discussing specifics, but y’all should book your hotel rooms and start saving for the t-shirts now. Two years ago, we got 30 shirts and about 50 people attended. Last year, we got 80 shirts and about 120 people attended. This year, we’re getting 300 shirts. It’s going to be a true drinking spectacular. I don’t really know what this means or entails, but I’m guessing it will end with me in the Wawa at 3rd & New Jersey just after 3am ordering a hot turkey sandwich, then forgetting I ordered and ordering another hot turkey sandwich. Neither will go to waste.
(Also, I don’t seriously expect any of you to attend, but you’re more than welcome to. It’s basically an all-evening/night drinking tour in which a lot of people who pronounce water "wudder" will get blind drunk and complain about their local sports teams. We may however, depending on the turnout, have shirts for sale on here, but that would require me trying to make money from this site, something I am really not good at doing. I’ll keep you posted.)
3) If you want to see me at my happiest, check out the picture on my MySpace page of me eating creamed chipped beef. Sure, it’s a little terrifying, but that’s love does to you.
(God, I miss creamed chipped beef. I seriously think it may cause me to move back to Philly one day. I can’t wait until I finally reach the day when I say to myself, "You know what? Fuck it. Time to go home, gain 70 pounds, and get a dog. I’m done. Thanks very much.")
