duys tour “recap”
16 July 2007
Today is the day that I’m supposed to give you a thorough (and hopefully funny) recap of my weekend down the shore, including a summary of our 9th Annual "Drink Until You Shit" tour. But there’s just one problem. I can’t.
This is for two main reasons:
The first is that our DUYS tour went off without so much as a hitch. Really, as far as pub crawls go, it was a model of efficiency. We had a good turnout, with at least 150 people, possibly more. We started, as planned, at Casey’s at 6:30pm, where we drank for almost two hours. There, we had a short installation ceremony during which we named our dear friend Chucky captain (or "craptain," if you will) of the 9th Annual tour. I said a few words, most of which couldn’t be heard because I hadn’t yet figured out how to use the megaphone (I’m a moron), and we presented Chucky with his special 9th Annual tour shirt, complete with a "C" stitched in the upper left of the shirt. There was then a photo opp a la NBA lottery draft picks ("With the first selection of the 9th Annual DUYS tour, Flood/Mulgrew select…"). Prior to leaving Casey’s, as has become a mini-tour tradition, I pooped. After all, I am a tour founder, so who better to christen the tour?
And then, as they say, it was on. We went to the #1 Tavern, which is not my favorite bar, but a necessary early stop on all North Wildwood pub crawls because of the Tullynut, the #1′s specialty drink. The drink, which costs $8, is a red fruit juice cocktail that supposedly has a blend of five liquors. Two of these Tullynuts will provide a nice foundation, four will get you sloppy, six will put you in the hospital. Because I was still Johnny Pub Crawl at that point, selling t-shirts, directing traffic, and answering questions, I only had two. (Relative) Sobriety: ad majorem tour gloriam.
And then, as they say, it was really on. Other tourgoers did not show as much restraint as I did and stumbled out of the #1 gorgeously drunk and wonderfully sloppy. The next bar, Westy’s, had a nice outdoor patio and dancing. It was at this bar that I officially lost control of the tour, since few people wanted to leave (or at least leave when I asked them to). So yes, again I was playing the role of Tour Nazi, but it was much easier this time around. Mostly because I didn’t really care and instead focused on smiling at the empire I (and David) created, watching over 150 friends and family getting bombed together, dancing, and in some cases already making out with strangers (this was at about 9pm – bars close at 3am). It was, in a word, glorious.
Our fourth bar, Echo’s, provided the second reason why my recap is not as thorough as it should be. As I said, up to that point, I had been fairly well-composed, pacing myself, trying to play perfect host and making sure everyone had a good time. At Echo’s, I met a new friend, Jim, a reader of this here site. Jim, bless his lil’ heart, proceeded to buy me three shots of whiskey in a row, as well as two bud lights. I showed my gratitude to Jim by pounding the shots and shuttling down those bud lights as quickly as possible. From that point forward, it was pretty much lights out for me. The switch had been flipped and there was no turning back. Fathers, lock up your daughters; pizza shop owners, prepare for the reckoning.
[There was a surprising turnout from readers of this site, with people coming from as far away as Oklahoma (!). Needless to say, I'm humbled and grateful to those of you who made it out - especially grateful for your drinks. This was the first time I met readers of this site en masse, and I learned an important lesson: I better be prepared to bring it. Wow. You guys were not joking with the whole "Here's a drink - now get drunk, fat chops!" thing. It was awesome, don't get me wrong, but if y'all come again next year, I'm going to have to start practicing a few days before the tour. Yowza.]
I remember some of the rest of the night. I know I made it to the two remaining bars, and I know I made some lame attempt at corralling others to join me (very unsuccessfully). But that’s about it. I don’t remember the circumstances at these bars or getting home or seeing people (I got an email from a friend today, telling me it was nice to see me, but I have absolutely no recollection of seeing her on the tour). I woke up in my bathroom with my shower running, but this is (partially) explainable. Because my hangovers after the last two DUYS tours had been so, so terrible, I was determined to do my best to prevent major brain bleeding the day after the tour. To that end, I guess I tried staying up as long as I could, drinking water, and running the shower (it is my contention that running water – particularly from the shower – has an amazingly ameliorative effect on drunkenness and hangovers; I will write a best selling self-help/"So you’re a drunk" book on this topic one day). It was still dark out, so I don’t think I was asleep there long, and then I was off to bed. The next day, minimal hangover. Success.
We’re still piecing together exactly what happened on the tour. I’m pissed at myself, because I took great pains to pack my camera before leaving NYC – along with extra battery – but at the first bar, my camera battery died and I had left the replacement battery at home (again, I’m a moron). So no pictures from me. It appears that, from the emails I’ve been seeing, our friend Brown Eye has the early lead for next year’s captaincy. Brown Eye (real name Danny) didn’t wear a shirt - any shirt – for much of the night and grabbed a hold of the megaphone early and used it as his own personal soapbox (I believe he was encouraging random bargoers to shit). I also know that David’s girlfriend was a disaster, but she can’t be captain, due to her affiliation with David; we probably should have told her that ahead of time. I learned that when I went home, I left 40 tour t-shirts at the bar, but they were fortunately salvaged and not stolen (we have extra shirts, by the way; if you want one, you can order here).
The weekend otherwise was lovely – my friends Ryan and Becky got kicked out of their hotel room because of a cheesesteak (such a complicated story I dare not try to tell it) and stayed at my place for the weekend; ten of us went out to a big dinner on Friday night with ten bottles of wine; and I made top six scores in each animal category on the Big Buckhunter machine at Gateway 26 on the boardwalk (I’m kind of addicted to that game). Today has not been kind.
But always keepin’ on keepin’ on, David, my tour co-founder, emailed me this morning about brainstorming ideas for next year, our 10th anniversary DUYS tour. I don’t want to give too much away, but he wants to get an animal mascot. And this animal shits. A lot. So mark it down now: July 12, 2008 – the 10th Annual Drink Until You Shit Tour. I think I’m going to start practicing now.
This is for two main reasons:
The first is that our DUYS tour went off without so much as a hitch. Really, as far as pub crawls go, it was a model of efficiency. We had a good turnout, with at least 150 people, possibly more. We started, as planned, at Casey’s at 6:30pm, where we drank for almost two hours. There, we had a short installation ceremony during which we named our dear friend Chucky captain (or "craptain," if you will) of the 9th Annual tour. I said a few words, most of which couldn’t be heard because I hadn’t yet figured out how to use the megaphone (I’m a moron), and we presented Chucky with his special 9th Annual tour shirt, complete with a "C" stitched in the upper left of the shirt. There was then a photo opp a la NBA lottery draft picks ("With the first selection of the 9th Annual DUYS tour, Flood/Mulgrew select…"). Prior to leaving Casey’s, as has become a mini-tour tradition, I pooped. After all, I am a tour founder, so who better to christen the tour?
And then, as they say, it was on. We went to the #1 Tavern, which is not my favorite bar, but a necessary early stop on all North Wildwood pub crawls because of the Tullynut, the #1′s specialty drink. The drink, which costs $8, is a red fruit juice cocktail that supposedly has a blend of five liquors. Two of these Tullynuts will provide a nice foundation, four will get you sloppy, six will put you in the hospital. Because I was still Johnny Pub Crawl at that point, selling t-shirts, directing traffic, and answering questions, I only had two. (Relative) Sobriety: ad majorem tour gloriam.
And then, as they say, it was really on. Other tourgoers did not show as much restraint as I did and stumbled out of the #1 gorgeously drunk and wonderfully sloppy. The next bar, Westy’s, had a nice outdoor patio and dancing. It was at this bar that I officially lost control of the tour, since few people wanted to leave (or at least leave when I asked them to). So yes, again I was playing the role of Tour Nazi, but it was much easier this time around. Mostly because I didn’t really care and instead focused on smiling at the empire I (and David) created, watching over 150 friends and family getting bombed together, dancing, and in some cases already making out with strangers (this was at about 9pm – bars close at 3am). It was, in a word, glorious.
Our fourth bar, Echo’s, provided the second reason why my recap is not as thorough as it should be. As I said, up to that point, I had been fairly well-composed, pacing myself, trying to play perfect host and making sure everyone had a good time. At Echo’s, I met a new friend, Jim, a reader of this here site. Jim, bless his lil’ heart, proceeded to buy me three shots of whiskey in a row, as well as two bud lights. I showed my gratitude to Jim by pounding the shots and shuttling down those bud lights as quickly as possible. From that point forward, it was pretty much lights out for me. The switch had been flipped and there was no turning back. Fathers, lock up your daughters; pizza shop owners, prepare for the reckoning.
[There was a surprising turnout from readers of this site, with people coming from as far away as Oklahoma (!). Needless to say, I'm humbled and grateful to those of you who made it out - especially grateful for your drinks. This was the first time I met readers of this site en masse, and I learned an important lesson: I better be prepared to bring it. Wow. You guys were not joking with the whole "Here's a drink - now get drunk, fat chops!" thing. It was awesome, don't get me wrong, but if y'all come again next year, I'm going to have to start practicing a few days before the tour. Yowza.]
I remember some of the rest of the night. I know I made it to the two remaining bars, and I know I made some lame attempt at corralling others to join me (very unsuccessfully). But that’s about it. I don’t remember the circumstances at these bars or getting home or seeing people (I got an email from a friend today, telling me it was nice to see me, but I have absolutely no recollection of seeing her on the tour). I woke up in my bathroom with my shower running, but this is (partially) explainable. Because my hangovers after the last two DUYS tours had been so, so terrible, I was determined to do my best to prevent major brain bleeding the day after the tour. To that end, I guess I tried staying up as long as I could, drinking water, and running the shower (it is my contention that running water – particularly from the shower – has an amazingly ameliorative effect on drunkenness and hangovers; I will write a best selling self-help/"So you’re a drunk" book on this topic one day). It was still dark out, so I don’t think I was asleep there long, and then I was off to bed. The next day, minimal hangover. Success.
We’re still piecing together exactly what happened on the tour. I’m pissed at myself, because I took great pains to pack my camera before leaving NYC – along with extra battery – but at the first bar, my camera battery died and I had left the replacement battery at home (again, I’m a moron). So no pictures from me. It appears that, from the emails I’ve been seeing, our friend Brown Eye has the early lead for next year’s captaincy. Brown Eye (real name Danny) didn’t wear a shirt - any shirt – for much of the night and grabbed a hold of the megaphone early and used it as his own personal soapbox (I believe he was encouraging random bargoers to shit). I also know that David’s girlfriend was a disaster, but she can’t be captain, due to her affiliation with David; we probably should have told her that ahead of time. I learned that when I went home, I left 40 tour t-shirts at the bar, but they were fortunately salvaged and not stolen (we have extra shirts, by the way; if you want one, you can order here).
The weekend otherwise was lovely – my friends Ryan and Becky got kicked out of their hotel room because of a cheesesteak (such a complicated story I dare not try to tell it) and stayed at my place for the weekend; ten of us went out to a big dinner on Friday night with ten bottles of wine; and I made top six scores in each animal category on the Big Buckhunter machine at Gateway 26 on the boardwalk (I’m kind of addicted to that game). Today has not been kind.
But always keepin’ on keepin’ on, David, my tour co-founder, emailed me this morning about brainstorming ideas for next year, our 10th anniversary DUYS tour. I don’t want to give too much away, but he wants to get an animal mascot. And this animal shits. A lot. So mark it down now: July 12, 2008 – the 10th Annual Drink Until You Shit Tour. I think I’m going to start practicing now.
