goulet, halloween, lube, bets, music
2 November 2007
This never gets old.
[youtube]p2zRGQX2QLo[/youtube]
I don’t want you to think I’m making fun of a dead guy, because that shit just ain’t right. On the contrary, think about it this way: Robert Goulet was a successful entertainer in his day and age (not sure when that was, but whatever). So therefore he had fame and money and all that good stuff. Then, thanks to Will Ferrell, in one four-minute clip Goulet was introduced to an entirely new generation of people who had little idea of his existence; now if you shout "Goulet!" in any bar in any city in America and you’re sure to get a laugh. Not a bad way to go out, if you ask me.
Still, I’m dedicating this weekend’s drinking performance to Robert Goulet. Seeing as I haven’t been in NYC in three weekends, my dad is coming up for dinner on Saturday night, and Sunday is the NYC Marathon, Pats-Colts at 4pm and Eagles-Cowboys at 8pm, I will be doing Mr. Goulet proud.
[youtube]UmAHygrXc7s[/youtube]
Farewell, Robert Goulet. Though I hardly knew ye, you were a magnificent son of a bitch.
************
I did absolutely nothing for Halloween this year. I was in LA for the weekend and all my friends are deadbeats, so no Halloween costume or party for me this year. And I am completely ok with this.
What I’m not ok with is a realization that I had while walking home from work on Halloween and passing all the people in costumes, going out for a night on the town: I don’t think I’ve ever had sex with a woman while she wore a Halloween costume. Not once was I dating a girl who dressed as a slutty cat and later F’ed me. Never have I made love to a slutty witch. Hell, I’ve never even been fellated by a pumpkin.
I mean, is this just about the most terrible thing you’ve ever heard in your life? Poverty is bad, world hunger is terrible, and natural disasters suck, but we can’t do shit about those things. We can, however, make it possible for me to get laid on Halloween (I think). But I guess we’ll have to wait until next year for that.
Crap. Worst Halloween ever.
************
In response to my post about my cleaning lady and KY jelly, Fletch at Penn State writes:
You may have hooked up with a PostOp Transsexual. It is pretty rare that girls can’t lubricate naturally. Even if sometimes they can’t, how likely would it be that they carry around a bottle of lube. Post Op’s have to use lube when they have sex. It sounds like there is a very good chance you hooked up with someone who used to be a man. Sweet dreams.
Oh Fletch, you are such an adorable little college student. Believe me, bro, in my experience it is definitely not rare for a woman to be unable to lubricate naturally. Whether that has to do with a woman’s biology or the fact that hooking up with me is the sexual equivalent of throwing up New England clam chowder (and losing your iPod in the process), I’m not sure. But I am sure, at least 99.97% sure, that the girl that I hooked up with that night was not a PostOp Transsexual. Not that that wouldn’t make for a great story, and not that I’m ruling it out in the future, but it wasn’t the case this time.
(…)
(Come to think of it, I do remember feeling something like a ball down there. I think I may need to talk to someone about this.)
************
Six Bets
First, I want to quickly turn your attention to a trade I made in my main fantasy football league this week, in which I shipped Brett Favre, Fred Taylor and Ernest Graham out and received Joseph Addai. My team now is:
QB: Carson Palmer
QB: Derek Anderson (we start two QBs in this ten team league)
WR: Wes Welker
WR: Marvin Harrison
WR: Donald Driver
RB: Brian Westbrook
RB: Edgerrin James
TE: Ben Watson
WR/RB: Joseph Addai
K: The Pollack on the Pats
DEF: D of the Week; this week, Redskins vs. Jets
Yikes. Sure, I sacrificed some depth, but if Watson and Harrison get back to full health and Driver returns to Favre’s graces, that’s a team that could do some serious damage in the playoffs.
Onto the bets:
Bengals (+1) over BILLS
This line started Bengals -3 and swung four points to +1. That means heavy action on Bills early in week. People are stupid. I’ll take the Bengals.
VIKINGS (+6) over Chargers
My weekly contrarian pick: more action is going on SD than any other team in the NFL this week, so I’ll pick against the grain. Not far behind are the Redskins (-3.5 at the JETS) and the Cowboys (-3 at the EAGLES). I guarantee that two of these three underdogs will cover.
Texans (-3) over RAIDERS
My weekly no idea pick: this game has bettors more divided than any other, with about 51% going with the Raiders. The Texans made me look good the first three weeks of the season and bad the rest of the way. Still, I’m loyal.
BROWNS (-1.5) over Seahawks
I mean, how can you not root for the Browns?
Patriots (+6) over COLTS
I mean, like everyone else has been saying, I’ve never seen anything like these Patriots.
STEELERS (-9) over Ravens
I mean, the line’s a little high, but is it me or do the Ravens stink?
************
Six Songs
"Shout" De Novo Dahl
Thanks to Maggie for recommending my new MySpace profile song. What a happy, bitchin’ tune.
"Loving You’s The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Done" Reckless Kelly
Matt in Denver introduced me to this band and this genre of music, dubbed "y’alternative." I just think that’s adorable. This band has a number of good songs, but there’s not quite like a country ditty that says "Fuck off, woman."
"Holy Moly" Talib Kweli
It is my personal opinion that Talib Kweli is the best MC out there right now.
"Are You Alright" Lucinda Williams
What’s the opposite of uplifting? Downthrowing? If so, that’s what this song is. Jesus Christ, Lucinda – go have a girls’ night out or something.
"Boomerang" Black Lips
Nasty. Like getting repeatedly slapped in the face with a beat rag for two minutes.
"Never Ending Song of Love" Delaney & Bonnie & Friends
Here’s the plan: We’re going to bring all our instruments and all our pills and joints over to my place and we’re going to play and sing this song. Then we’re all going to do it. Sound good? Let’s say tonight at 10pm. See you there.
[Have a good weekend]
[youtube]p2zRGQX2QLo[/youtube]
I don’t want you to think I’m making fun of a dead guy, because that shit just ain’t right. On the contrary, think about it this way: Robert Goulet was a successful entertainer in his day and age (not sure when that was, but whatever). So therefore he had fame and money and all that good stuff. Then, thanks to Will Ferrell, in one four-minute clip Goulet was introduced to an entirely new generation of people who had little idea of his existence; now if you shout "Goulet!" in any bar in any city in America and you’re sure to get a laugh. Not a bad way to go out, if you ask me.
Still, I’m dedicating this weekend’s drinking performance to Robert Goulet. Seeing as I haven’t been in NYC in three weekends, my dad is coming up for dinner on Saturday night, and Sunday is the NYC Marathon, Pats-Colts at 4pm and Eagles-Cowboys at 8pm, I will be doing Mr. Goulet proud.
[youtube]UmAHygrXc7s[/youtube]
Farewell, Robert Goulet. Though I hardly knew ye, you were a magnificent son of a bitch.
************
I did absolutely nothing for Halloween this year. I was in LA for the weekend and all my friends are deadbeats, so no Halloween costume or party for me this year. And I am completely ok with this.
What I’m not ok with is a realization that I had while walking home from work on Halloween and passing all the people in costumes, going out for a night on the town: I don’t think I’ve ever had sex with a woman while she wore a Halloween costume. Not once was I dating a girl who dressed as a slutty cat and later F’ed me. Never have I made love to a slutty witch. Hell, I’ve never even been fellated by a pumpkin.
I mean, is this just about the most terrible thing you’ve ever heard in your life? Poverty is bad, world hunger is terrible, and natural disasters suck, but we can’t do shit about those things. We can, however, make it possible for me to get laid on Halloween (I think). But I guess we’ll have to wait until next year for that.
Crap. Worst Halloween ever.
************
In response to my post about my cleaning lady and KY jelly, Fletch at Penn State writes:
You may have hooked up with a PostOp Transsexual. It is pretty rare that girls can’t lubricate naturally. Even if sometimes they can’t, how likely would it be that they carry around a bottle of lube. Post Op’s have to use lube when they have sex. It sounds like there is a very good chance you hooked up with someone who used to be a man. Sweet dreams.
Oh Fletch, you are such an adorable little college student. Believe me, bro, in my experience it is definitely not rare for a woman to be unable to lubricate naturally. Whether that has to do with a woman’s biology or the fact that hooking up with me is the sexual equivalent of throwing up New England clam chowder (and losing your iPod in the process), I’m not sure. But I am sure, at least 99.97% sure, that the girl that I hooked up with that night was not a PostOp Transsexual. Not that that wouldn’t make for a great story, and not that I’m ruling it out in the future, but it wasn’t the case this time.
(…)
(Come to think of it, I do remember feeling something like a ball down there. I think I may need to talk to someone about this.)
************
Six Bets
First, I want to quickly turn your attention to a trade I made in my main fantasy football league this week, in which I shipped Brett Favre, Fred Taylor and Ernest Graham out and received Joseph Addai. My team now is:
QB: Carson Palmer
QB: Derek Anderson (we start two QBs in this ten team league)
WR: Wes Welker
WR: Marvin Harrison
WR: Donald Driver
RB: Brian Westbrook
RB: Edgerrin James
TE: Ben Watson
WR/RB: Joseph Addai
K: The Pollack on the Pats
DEF: D of the Week; this week, Redskins vs. Jets
Yikes. Sure, I sacrificed some depth, but if Watson and Harrison get back to full health and Driver returns to Favre’s graces, that’s a team that could do some serious damage in the playoffs.
Onto the bets:
Bengals (+1) over BILLS
This line started Bengals -3 and swung four points to +1. That means heavy action on Bills early in week. People are stupid. I’ll take the Bengals.
VIKINGS (+6) over Chargers
My weekly contrarian pick: more action is going on SD than any other team in the NFL this week, so I’ll pick against the grain. Not far behind are the Redskins (-3.5 at the JETS) and the Cowboys (-3 at the EAGLES). I guarantee that two of these three underdogs will cover.
Texans (-3) over RAIDERS
My weekly no idea pick: this game has bettors more divided than any other, with about 51% going with the Raiders. The Texans made me look good the first three weeks of the season and bad the rest of the way. Still, I’m loyal.
BROWNS (-1.5) over Seahawks
I mean, how can you not root for the Browns?
Patriots (+6) over COLTS
I mean, like everyone else has been saying, I’ve never seen anything like these Patriots.
STEELERS (-9) over Ravens
I mean, the line’s a little high, but is it me or do the Ravens stink?
************
Six Songs
"Shout" De Novo Dahl
Thanks to Maggie for recommending my new MySpace profile song. What a happy, bitchin’ tune.
"Loving You’s The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Done" Reckless Kelly
Matt in Denver introduced me to this band and this genre of music, dubbed "y’alternative." I just think that’s adorable. This band has a number of good songs, but there’s not quite like a country ditty that says "Fuck off, woman."
"Holy Moly" Talib Kweli
It is my personal opinion that Talib Kweli is the best MC out there right now.
"Are You Alright" Lucinda Williams
What’s the opposite of uplifting? Downthrowing? If so, that’s what this song is. Jesus Christ, Lucinda – go have a girls’ night out or something.
"Boomerang" Black Lips
Nasty. Like getting repeatedly slapped in the face with a beat rag for two minutes.
"Never Ending Song of Love" Delaney & Bonnie & Friends
Here’s the plan: We’re going to bring all our instruments and all our pills and joints over to my place and we’re going to play and sing this song. Then we’re all going to do it. Sound good? Let’s say tonight at 10pm. See you there.
[Have a good weekend]
