geeking out over ec
I was a sophomore in high school. I was madly infatuated with a girl named Alison, one of the hottest girls in the whole of the ‘hood, who considered me one of her best friends – in no small part she was 95% certain I was homosexual. (David Spade has a great bit about how in high school he was the nerd who talked to all the girls about their relationship problems, as they thought he was the harmless guy friend, when he secretly wanted to eff all of them. And they’d end the conversations like, “Thanks for being such a great friend, David – I’m gonna go fuck my boyfriend now.” I’m sure you’re surprised to learn that this is pretty much how high school played out for me, with about 25 different girl “friends.”) As such, I owned Elvis Costello’s “Greatest Hits,” the green and black one, for the song “Alison.” I never gave the rest of the album any thought – it was one of the last of the eight free that I had to fill out to get that initial BMG shipment – until I was sitting on my bedroom floor one evening organizing a new a CD tower I’d just bought (not doubt taking only a quick break from repeated bouts of masturbation). My plan was to arrange it so that my shittiest CDs were on the bottom rungs, and my most played were toward the top, for easier access. I pulled out the Elvis Costello CD and was about to place it toward the bottom when I thought, “You know what? I should at least listen to a few songs on this.”
So I put this CD in my Walkman as I went about organizing the rest of the CDs. “Alison” was the first song, “Watching the Detectives” was the second. I was intrigued. With each song, I grew more so. After the “Oliver’s Army” and “Accidents Will Happen” one-two punch (tracks seven and eight), I paused the CD and ran downstairs to call my buddy Kyle, you had told me many times over that I needed to give Elvis Costello a chance. Our phone conversation:
Me: “Ky, Elvis Costello is really good.”
Kyle: “I know, I told you.”
Me: “No, he’s like really, really, really good.”
Kyle: “Uh, dick, I know – I’ve been telling you that forever.”
Me: “I gotta go.”
And that was it. I ran up the stairs and listened to the CD approximately 429 times in a row, and would buy many more EC albums over the coming days, weeks, months, years. From that moment forward, I was hooked.
I’ve seen EC at least twenty times, though I haven’t in several years. His ticket prices are astronomical, and in order to not have to go by myself, I’d have to subsidize a friend’s ticket, so if the total for tickets was $180, I’d pay $150 and the friend would pay $30, since few of my friends are as crazy about EC as I am. And I’ve met him, I’d say, at least ten times, because he always comes out to sign autographs and get pictures taken, great guy that he is. My favorite meeting occurred in 1999 after a show at the Tower Theatre in Philly, when I asked him, while he was signing my ticket, if he needed a bass player (at the time he was touring only with his piano player, Steve Nieve). The people near us, and Elvis himself, laughed, and in that split second before he answered I thought, “You know, I could postpone college for a year to tour with Elvis. I could definitely do that.” But he just chuckled and said he was all set for now (or something to that effect) and kept on signing. Now that I made him laugh, now that I could see that he thought I was funny, I was sure more than ever that he truly was a genius.
And yet here on this website, almost nothing. Sure, I’ve pimped a few songs of his here and there and dropped his name a few times, but never much more than in the context of “I love Elvis Costello.” But that’s it. It’s weird how I’ve put so much of myself on here, how I can write thousands of words on jerking off into empty Pepsi cans or the different types of blowjobs or the best five steaks in NYC, and yet almost nothing about the one artist whose music has had more of an impact on my life than anyone else’s.
I did an audit of the 458 Elvis Costello songs in my iTunes over the weekend (yeah, I know – living it up in the city of Angels, baby!). I have a very complicated – or at least, very thorough – system of organizing my music on iTunes, so an audit basically is a reassessment of the backbone of this system: the star-rating. As of right now, I have just over 9500 songs in my computer, and all but about 100 have star ratings, ranked 1 (“why is this song even on here?”) to 5 (“I peed a little after hearing this song but the pee is white and thicker and it smells kinda like bleach”).
So if you’ll allow me, on the day when EC is playing at the Greek Theatre here in LA (I’m not going, since this would require me to leave my apartment), I’d like to totally geek out about Elvis Costello right now. If you don’t like him, you can stop reading now. If you like him a little bit, you, too, can probably stop reading now. This one is strictly for the hardcore Elvis Costello fans.
Some random thoughts about the music of Elvis Costello:
- I don’t think that there’s a better opening track on an artist’s debut album than “Welcome to the Working Week” from “My Aim is True.” If you have a better one, send it to me. The best I can come up with is “Good Times Bad Times” from the first Zeppelin album, but I still think that “Working Week” is better, if only because “Good Times” was derivative of the Yardbirds stuff that Page was already doing. “Welcome to the Working Week” is two minutes of perfect, unique rock, both angry and melodic, that says “Yep, here I am.”
(Confession time: I have a playlist called “To Hell With You, Woman!” and “Welcome to the Working Week” is the opening track. “Living in Paradise (early version)” from the bonus disc of “My Aim is True” is also on there, mostly because of the “And you’re/Already looking for another/Fool like me” outro. EC’s pretty, pretty pissed there.)
(“Miracle Man,” also off “MAIT,” is on the playlist, as well.)
- “The twitching impulse is to speak your mind/I’ll lend you my microscope and maybe you will find it/Is it in that ugly place, that’s just behind your face?/Where you keep my picture still, despite the fact that you had me replaced.” Um, ouch. A little more articulate than “Oh yeah, well, you suck,” wouldn’t you say? (from “All the Rage”)
- Probably my favorite seventeen seconds in music occurs from 1:16 to 1:33 in “Wednesday Week.”
- If you can teach me how to play the honky tonk version of “Blame It on Cain” on guitar, I will play it for you in the nude (private audience, additional persons $40 extra).
- I almost can’t believe that I’m going to write this – and I ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt here – but “I Throw My Toys Around,” EC’s duet with No Doubt from the, ahem, “Rugrats” movie soundtrack, is an exceptional song.
(If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I understand, but at least listen to the song first.)
- “Just About Glad” from the Costello & Nieve 1996 box set – sublime. The studio version from “Brutal Youth” is terrific, but boy, that live version is something else, let me tell you.
- Really, the whole Costello & Nieve box set is terrific. My personal highlight – not to go back to the well here – is the “Alison -> Tracks of My Tears -> Clowntime Is Over” medley. Just work it out, Elvis.
- I can’t believe I gave “Hoover Factory” a two-star rating. It’s obviously a four-star song. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.
- I’m sorry, but I don’t get what all the fuss is about “Shipbuilding.” Never liked that one.
- Elvis’s real name is Declan Patrick MacManus. I love the name Declan, because, really, how cool of a nickname is Dec (pronounced like deck)? However, I’m not sure if this name is better suited for a male child or a male dog. I’ll let you know when/if I figure it out.
- As I get older, I’m getting more and more into “Imperial Bedroom,” arguably EC’s most critically-acclaimed album. I still find it very dated, but it’s growing on me. Slowly. (Though I’ve always secretly enjoyed “…And In Every Home” a little too much.)
- Aside from the obvious “Goodbye Cruel World,” I think that “Spike” is my least favorite of his albums. “Pads, Paws and Claws,” which I’ve seen live a half-dozen times, is almost unforgivably bad. Jesus, Elvis.
- For my favorite album…it’s nearly impossible to pick. I should mention that I started collecting EC albums chronologically, so because I got them first, I feel a great deal of love toward “My Aim is True,” “This Year’s Model,” “Armed Forces,” etc. I think that if I had to pick one, it would have to be “Get Happy,” which follows sequentially, but man, it’s tough.
- Two sleeper albums that when I listen to them, I think, “Wow – this is some good shit right here”: “Trust” and “Blood and Chocolate.” Honorable mention: “When I Was Cruel.”
- “Big Sister’s Clothes/Stand Down Margaret” from the extended version of “Punch the Clock,” when the band starts to break into “Stand Down Margaret” (a cover of the English Beat song), I mean, that’s the reason God invited legs right there. If that doesn’t get you up and moving, somethin’s wrong with you, friend.
- Still working my way through this year’s “Secret, Profane and Sugarcane,” EC’s latest country-flavored album. I was initially disappointed, but I’m warming up to it, and love the country/bluegrass cover of “Femme Fatale.”
- Some of my favorite songs (in no particular order): “Busy Bodies,” “Imagination (is a Powerful Deceiver),” “Town Where Time Stood Still,” “Miracle Man,” “Rocking Horse Road” (prefer the demo), “Boy With A Problem” (from “Trust”), “Crimes of Paris,” “Secondary Modern,” “Episode of Blonde” (listened to this about 429,104 times after the break-up with a green-eyed, blonde-haired ex-lady – so dramatic, was I), “Just a Memory,” “From a Whisper to a Scream,” “London’s Brilliant Parade.” I should stop now.
– Um, he’s pretty good. I know that for the most part, I leaned heavily toward his earlier stuff with this. But like I said, aside from the green and black greatest hits, I collected his albums chronologically. Those first four hit me like a goddamn freight train, and I was filled with an excitement/enjoyment that was almost unsustainable. So it’s unfair to compare any of his more recent releases (“North,” “The Delivery Man,” “Secret, Profane & Sugarcane,” etc) with those earlier albums. Just life, is all.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Thank you for allowing me to geek out. Now we can never talk about this again.
