A few weeks ago, I pimped out an Alison Krauss song (“I Don’t Believe You’ve Met My Baby,” which sounds like Christmas and love and magic), and I wrote that if there were a draft in which men everywhere had to pick their wives based only on their singing voice, Alison Krauss would be the consensus #1 pick.

In response, one of you (I can’t find the email and may have deleted the email in a drunken iPhone accident) wrote that I should go on and do a full draft of the sexiest/most desirable female voices in music.

Well.

I thought a lot about this. And I was prepared to do a full-bore, 3000 word, two-round (ten team, so twenty picks) draft. But there are some problems.

First, it’s impossible to go strictly by voice. For example, Alison Krauss, in addition to having a terrific singing voice, is cute. So is Cia Cherryholmes, a bluegrass singer would be my sleeper late-first/early-second round pick (see: “Brand New Heartbreak” or “Don’t Go Away” by Cherryholmes for further proof).

(And I know this is not the best picture of her, but look at the outfit of the guy who’s standing next to her. He’s Exhibit A why country music is awesome. If he wears that to an awards show, what does he wear around the house?)

However, Janis Joplin has one of the most impressive and astounding voices in all of rock music, but I don’t know if we’d have a single wedding picture in which she’s not wrapped around a bottle of Jack and I’m not eating cake and/or pooping (you know, if she wasn’t dead). In a similar vein, Aretha Franklin’s “Ain’t No Way” is one of the five finest vocal performances (male or female) ever recorded, but I don’t know if it makes me want to marry her. Alternatively, there are things that I’d do to Jessica Simpson that if I wrote them out, would get me institutionalized, but I couldn’t have less respect for her music or whatever the studio claims is her voice.

(PS, re: Aretha: wow. So much…boobie…but not…in a good way…)

Second, maybe it’s not entirely appropriate for me to do a mock draft of the most desirable voices in rock, in terms of marriability. I mean, is that really all I would measure of a woman by, the sound of her voice? No, of course not. There are also her looks, the size of her bosom (Aretha = win, but again, not in a good way), how much money she comes from, her ability to handle a D (D = penis), how many professional and/or college athletes she’s done, her awareness of the difference between “whose” and “who’s” (or at least, “write” and “right”), her willingness to bring (female) friends or craigslist ad answerers into the bedroom, and if she can deal with my snoring, for example, to take into consideration.

Yet still, when I thought of this mock draft in my head, I knew that that my number two pick, the Michael Turner to Alison Krauss’s Adrian Peterson, would be lead singer in the New Pornographers and solo artist in her own right, Neko Case.

First, her voice is really, really good. Second, she has great, red hair. I’ve never been the type of guy to prefer blondes or Asians or girls with tattoos, because, as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers. Still, as a borderline mezzofinook who may or may not have been mildly obsessed with a certain ginger cartoon character growing up, I have made out with only one and a half redheads in my life (that I can remember) and this is an area that I would like to explore further. Neko would fulfill both the voice and hair requirements, splendidly.

(Wait – two and a half. Sorry. My memory’s getting worse with age.)

So as further proof of my personal affection for Neko, I present the video of “Your Daddy Don’t Know” below. Sure, it’s not a draft with twenty picks, but I think you’ll enjoy it. I realize that there are a number of reasons why I’m attracted to Neko in this video (for example, in addition to her incredible voice, she and the rest of the band obviously have a sense of humor). But I’m not ashamed to admit it has to a lot to do with her look or costume or whatever. I’ve thought about this a lot recently – seeing as I have tons and tons of free time – and I don’t think I’ve had any real sexcapades with a girl in costume. One of my favorite porno clips is a Christmas-themed one that involves a girl in an elf outfit getting effed (too much information?), but I don’t think I’ve ever made out with a girl in a slutty Halloween (or otherwise) costume, ever. Or, the girls that I’ve date have worn decidedly non-slutty costumes on Halloween, like a pumpkin or, I don’t know, a flower or a dude or whatever.

So here’s Neko, and a terrific song to boot. A fine draft pick to build the rest of your team around, to be sure.