Articles Archive for October 2009
You may recall that we made the east-to-west drive last May, in order to get me and my shit from NYC to LA. This time, well, we’ll be doing the reverse. However, my younger brother, Dennis, who played such an important role in the drive last time (what with all his sleeping and reading books in Spanish and listening to music that sounded like hate-fucking), will regrettably not be joining us. His excuse is something about not being able to get out of law school classes or whatever. Um, hello? This is the among the worst times in American history to be in law school, so you think missing a week’s worth of classes is going to matter? Probably not.
So it’ll just be my dad and I, a man and his failure of a first-born son, cutting a slice through the heart of this great country en route to Philadelphia, PA (I’ll spend Thanksgiving weekend there before heading up to NYC). We plan to leave on Friday, November 20, and spend that night in Vegas, since my dad has never been and he really, really should see it. Then, we’re off, with the goal of getting to Philly by Thanksgiving day, or preferably the day before. There are four possible options for our itinerary after leaving Vegas:
1) Through Utah and Colorado, taking the middle road on I-70 (2761 miles)
Pros: This is the most direct route, and the one I’d most like to take. Potential stops could include Denver, KCMO, St. Louis, Indianapolis, and all the lovely places in between, many of which I’ve never been before. It would give us a different look of the country, taking us through the heartland.
Cons: However, while I’d kill to get back to Denver, there’s no way we’re taking this route. I’m not a trucker, but something tells me that driving over the Rockies in Utah and Colorado in late November – even in a car as trusty as my 1996 Lincoln Town Car – is probably not the wisest decision. Compounded by my recurring nightmare about me dying in a car accident in which the car goes off a mountain and, um, no thanks.
2) To Albuquerque to OKC then through St. Louis, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania (2780 miles)
Pros: This is the most direct non-Rockies route. My dad loved New Mexico, and then we could head a bit north into that unfamiliar stretch of Missouri, Illinois, etc.
Cons: No real big mountains here, but weather is a concern. Maybe in his old age, my dad is getting more cautious. Or maybe he’s concerned that a storm would limit his access to bathrooms. But in our preliminary discussions about the trip, he’s expressed a lot of concern about the impact of the weather. So while this is the route I’m pushing for, if the weather forecast doesn’t look good, we’re not going to take it.
3) To Albuquerque then I-40 with a stop in Nashville before curving up towards Philly (2872 miles)
Pros: My dad, brother and I all loved Nashville, probably because it’s a terrific town. A night there would make for a fun time. Also, this is the most southern route, so weather concerns would be mitigated, if only a little bit.
Cons: Virginia. This is the route we took on the drive out to LA, in which my dad got a ginormous speeding ticket in VA, which required getting a lawyer and spending a shit-ton of money to get resolved. Not cool. Also, perhaps it would be better to not take the very same route we took before. Maybe, I don’t know, see a little different parts of the country? Really, who drives across the country twice and takes the exact same route both ways?
4) Vegas to Austin to New Orleans to Nashville to Philly (3493 miles)
Pros: Did you read that itinerary? So then do I even need to explain? We couldn’t do each city on consecutive nights (Vegas to Austin is 1300 miles, for example, though it’s a little over 500 between Austin and NOLA and NOLA and Nashville), but boy, would this be a fun (and expensive) trip. Also, the weather should be fine this far south.
Cons: This is a pipe dream. Remember, we’ll be pulling out of Vegas sometime on Saturday, November 21. We want to be in Philly by early Thursday, November 26, at the very latest. Throw in holiday traffic and I don’t think there’s any way we could pull this off. However, if I had a few more days at my disposal, I would definitely 100% absolutely positively do this. Good god. Gentlemen, if you’re looking for a unique bachelor party idea and your friends love you enough to take a week’s vacation for you, I can’t see how much better than it can get than this (starting in LA and ending in NYC, with all due respect to my beloved Philly).
So it looks like it’s going to be either route 2 or route 3, depending on the weather. To be determined…
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Last time we did the drive, you guys gave me a ton of good suggestions, many of which I was able to use. Then we I finally got to LA, I recapped the trip on here. But this time, I’m going to do it a little differently. Instead of getting all your suggestions pre-trip and printing out a folder full of emails (and getting 150 miles passed a city and realizing, “Wait – Bob from Little Rock says the best BBQ in America is in Russellville!”), and then writing long, laborious recaps when I’ve reached my final destination, I will be using Twitter in real-time to detail our journey and (hopefully) take any of your hints or suggestions. Like I said, I’m back on Twitter, which was seemingly made for something like detailing a cross-country drive and interacting with people who can give some local insight. So when the time comes, I’ll remind you to follow me on there (which you can do now, if you like).
Until then, I have 31 days left in Los Angeles, 31 days that will be filled with those things I will miss about LA. (So, In-N-Out burgers, and, um, uh, wow…I guess just In-N-Out burgers. Although I do like the nachos and the red beer at Redondo Beach Brewing Company.) Still, it will be an action-packed month, what with packing, finding an apartment (which entails a week in NYC), hosting my sister and cousin and then my dad, and saying goodbye to some friends. However, I’m not into the whole “goodbye” thing, since there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll be back in LA in January, and I’ll definitely be back in March or April after the book is released, and will likely come back at least once or twice a year for the near future. So there’s that.
But right now, I must focus. Time to pour over Google maps, to make sure the Lincoln is in tip-top shape, to start thinking about what I’m packing and what I’m throwing away. After 17 months in self-imposed “rehab,” I’m 31 days away from being released back into the general population of New York Effing City.
Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
(So if you know any of one-bedroom apartments, preferably downtown, as of December 1, please let me know.)
But, in the absence of posts, there are two things you can do:
1) Be my friend on Facebook. This is not for the ego (for the most part), but I comment on there, sometimes post pictures, etc. Also, I like seeing what you look like (for the most part).
2) Follow me on Twitter. Despite trying it earlier and hating it, I think I now “get” Twitter. Or I should say, I figured out how to do it from my iPhone and I like posting pictures of things that I eat and drink. I use it more on the weekends, when I’m feeling desperately lonely and wandering around LA (read: my apartment). But I’ve been on Twitter regularly for about two weeks now, so I think it’s sticking.
I’ll have more next week, but until then, here’s a really, really long Six Songs.
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Six Songs
“Sweet Virginia” The Rolling Stones
For the first 24 years of my life, I had very little interest in The Rolling Stones. I’d heard “Satisfaction,” “Brown Sugar,” “Start Me Up,” etc, and, well, just wasn’t really into it. But my buddy/former roommate Brian, a huge Stones fan, slowly broke me down. And now – though I have no actual evidence to back this up – I’m guessing they’re the band I’ve recommended most in “Six Songs” over the life of this blog.
The problem is – and I don’t mean this to sound snobby or hipster or whatnot – but their “Greatest Hits” are really not their greatest hits. Take this song, for example. A somewhat obscure track (though off the phenomenal and very popular “Exile on Main Street,” which is likely in a tie with Magnetic Fields’ “69 Love Songs” for the album that has the most songs I’ve recommended – but again, no actual evidence), is probably one of my top five or ten favorite Stones’ songs. Any dirty/country song whose refrain includes “Got to scrap that/shit right off your shoes” is ok in my book.
[While we’re here, I want to point out that arguably my favorite concert experience ever was when Joseph Arthur and the Lonely Astronauts covered “Miss You” at Southpaw in Brooklyn two or three years back. Good lord. I know I wrote about this, but I’m too lazy to search the archives. Suffice it to say that the $2 Bud bombers made me very drunk and the hypnotic bass line made me very aroused and Joseph standing on stage, leg up on an amp, screaming into the microphone “I’m guess I’m lying to myself/It’s just you and no one else/Lord I miss you”, and a few hundred sexy sweaty hipster chicks swaying on the dance floor and singing “Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh oh oh”…I mean, wow. I might just be able to say it was the best sex I’ve ever had, despite the lack of climax, penetration, making out, or even physical contact with a female (or male, for that matter).]
Anyway, for the past fourteen months, buddy/former roommate Brian has been working on a project we’ve titled “40 Other Licks.” Meant to be a b-side to the “40 Licks” greatest hits compilation, it will include the lesser-known – but substantially more awesome – Rolling Stones tracks that are not overly popular. I’m not saying this song will be on there, but rather that I’m looking forward to this like I’m looking forward to a vacation or Christmas (Brian estimates that he’s six weeks away from completion). If we figure out how to do so, we will put this up on iTunes as a playlist. Until then, start with this one, and search “Rolling Stones” and “Six Songs” on this site. That’ll get you started, I think.
“It’s All in My Mind” Teenage Fanclub
This song is perfect. When I dream that I am a talented musician, this is the song that I write. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever skipped this song when it’s come up on my iPod; no matter the mood, the time of day, the weather, if I’m sober or drunk, the amount of clothing I’m wearing, it’s perfect.
“The Parting Glass” The High Kings
Despite having a great-grandfather born in Ireland on one side of my family and the surname “Brennan” on the other side of my family, I’m not a big “I’m Irish!!!” guy. This is not to imply in any way that I’m ashamed of my Irish ancestry; if anything, I’m grateful for my ability to imbibe the water of life and to be sensitive and poetic and good company, all attributes I’d never trade for something as silly as having a larger (or even normal-sized) penis. And while I enjoy Guinness and Celtic music and truly would like to have a brood of ill-tempered, stubborn and fair-skinned children (not a joke – I really would have six or so kids if I could, but I think I’ve got about four bullets – tops – in my chamber, thanks to excessive drug and saturated fats abuse), I’m just about the last guy to cover myself in green on March 17 or tell strangers with Irish accents, “You know, my family’s from Ireland, too!”
I think this is because of where I grew up. Which is to say, I grew up in an area where people were so blindly proud of the Irish ancestry that they’d put “26 + 6 = 1” bumper stickers on their cars without having any idea what it meant and where allegiance to Notre Dame football was required, because, well, “They’re Irish like me! And I like to fight, too! IRISH!!! YEEEAAHHH!!!!” I have no problem with pride, but pride without understanding or critical thought is a grave, almost unforgivable error. It makes me…ugh. Let’s not go down this road.
[And I’m not trying to claim that I’m some Irish history buff here. I was a history major, but it was Tudor and Stuart Britain I was interested in, since I love castles and knights and kings and such. Also, “King Charles II” or “Earl of Essex” is easier to remember than “Cathal Brugha” or “Ruaidrí mac Tairrdelbach Ua Conchobair.”]
[And yes, I had to email an Irish friend and ask, “Can you give me some hard to pronounce/spell names from any time in Irish history?”]
Having said all this, please take note: If I die (notice not “when” but “if”), I would like this song played at my funeral. I want the funeral to be a happy affair, a true celebration of life, but we can play this song and for four minutes, every one can get their sadness out (for most people, because I owed them money which they’ll never see now). Then it’s off to the bar for copious amounts of booze and stories that start with, “Man, Mulgrew really was a weird guy…” and “Did you guys ever see his dick? Yikes.”
“Nocturne No. 11 in G Minor, Op. 37 No. 1” Frédéric Chopin (as performed by Vladimir Ashkenazy)
I don’t know anything about classical music, but I swear that, at about the 2:29 mark in this song, God begins speaking to me. I was dicking around on my computer when this randomly came on the iTunes, and it froze me in my tracks, a real “holy crap” moment. The whole thing is lovely, but for about a minute and a half after that 2:29 mark, it’s beautiful. I don’t think this means I had an awakening or that I’m classier or anything, but still, a stunning piece nonetheless.
“When the Forgetfulness of Sleep Has Gone” Charles Ramsey
Look, I’m gonna make this really simple: if you take a piano-based song, throw in some devastatingly sad lyrics, and then add some strings and a harmony or two, well, I’m all aboard. Really, everything I like can be broken down into simple parts or pieces:
Music: [as described above]
Sandwiches: salted meat (the saltier the better), soft cheese, dairy-based spread (from mayo to honey mustard), non-hard (or un-grilled) roll
Beer: either canned American OR stout that’s heavier than me
Women: Good boobs, long hair that bounces on shoulders, nice smile, hoop earrings (note: messy ponytail is more than adequate substitute)
Television show or movie: Sexual-based murder OR poop jokes with brains
Really, I’m not that hard to figure out. And this song – like most of his songs – is right up my alley. If you don’t think I’ve replayed that outro (“She backed off, you broke apart/Felt like a dagger going into your heart”) about 50 million times while swilling Bud bombers (canned American beer), well, you’re sadly mistaken. Just a terrific song.
“Black Books” Nils Lofgren
I got an email from Mike in Philly, suggesting I pimp this here and also use this on the “Let’s Make Out or Something” playlist. On the former, sure; on the latter, close, but not quite.
I have written extensively about my somewhat-secret “Let’s Make Out or Something” playlist, a playlist has been in the works for years and is constantly evolving, but let’s refresh our collective memory. The goal of LMOOS is two-fold: 1) to create an ambiance that is conducive to making out – without being obvious – and, perhaps more importantly, 2) to successfully sustain this level of ambiance without being distracting or ruining the moment.
For example, songs like “So Cruel” by U2 or “Waste” by Phish might sound nice and put you in the mood to make out, but those songs are too popular and trite. I’ve always tried to be somewhat obscure in my LMOOS song choices, because you don’t want your lover potentially singing the song her in head while you lamely and unsuccessfully try to finger her. Calm, soothing, slightly disorienting music is the aim. For example, for a year or two, one of the staples of the LMOOS playlist was “Anthems for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl” by Broken Social Scene. That is, it was until one night when a former ladyfriend and I were beginning our enchanted journey through the musty realm of lovemaking when this song came on and she abruptly stopped and said, “Oh my god – can you turn this off? It sounds like kids are singing.” So yeah, I took “Anthems” off the LMOOS list.
[Sidenote: I swear that I once dated a girl – not the one who told me to take off “Anthems,” but another girl – who was so remote during lovemaking that I could practically hear music – and not the LMOOS music – playing in her head. To this day, she remains the only girl that I’ve ever faked an orgasm with, something I did routinely when we did it, because we shared the same emotional connection as I would have if I’d effed a slightly microwaved chicken breast (and, oh yeah, I’m a dude, so you can kinda tell if, you know, I’m not making good on my promises). Don’t get me wrong – I don’t necessarily blame her; if I had to do me, I’d be thinking of about just about anything to keep my mind off the bad decisions I’d made up to that point in my life to find myself laying, nude, beneath (at the time) 230 pounds of maniac, hair, and fury…but still. You gotta cover it up a little better than that, you know? Sheesh.]
All of this is a roundabout way of saying that this song meets the first criteria of the LMOOS playist – it is ambient, obscure, lovely and makes me want to kiss (although this last one is not that hard). But the problem is that the guitar solo toward the end of the song (I’m talking of the live version of the song; the studio version is not very good at all). The song’s coming along all nicely and calmly and moody and then ol’ Nils starts the guitar solo outro and goes off – the result sounds like a cross between an acoustic guitar throwing up and a stressful moment in an 80’s video game.
So no, Mike, this song will not be included on my LMOOS playlist. A great song, and close to LMOOS qualification, but jusssst short. Trust me, the last thing you need during private time is the LMOOS to cause your lady to say, “Wait – what’s the deal with this song? The guitar’s too much! And how did I get here? And why does it smell like hot dog water?”
[Have a good weekend.]
Second, a big “FUCK YOU” to our host company, iPowerWeb. There have been two days in the past 15 months when I really, truly needed the site to be up. The first was July 17 of this year, my 30th birthday, when maybe some of you might be compelled to buy me a beer via the donation link to ease the pain of turning 30. But of course, the site crashed for the whole day, and I had to pay for an uncomfortably large percentage of my drinks myself (though those who did buy me a drink were sent a thank you card, since my mother raised me right).
The second was yesterday, a day after sending an email to a few thousand of my closest friends, and email that ideally would have been forwarded and brought new people to this site that a) would enjoy what we do here; b) potentially sign up to get the next edition of the email; and c) ultimately fall in love with/viciously fellate me (we’re talking spitting, snorting – the whole nine yards). And of course, the site was down yesterday, too.
Over the next few months, Site Guy Brendan and I will be making some enhancements to the site. And you can bet that moving away from iPowerWeb has now been moved to the top of the list. Fucking assholes.
(And I know that some of you, in response to my Facebook status update about this, made suggestions or pitches for new site hosting companies. If you work for these companies or whatever, please contact SGB directly at brendan_at_jasonmulgrew_dot_com to make your pitch, since he truly is the brains behind this operation – I just bring the pizzazz.)
(Which is not to say that Brendan especially lacks pizzazz, but you know what I mean.)
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Speaking of the monthly email, thank you for all the positive responses to it. I know that you have no reason to believe me when I say this, but the plan is to send them, you know, monthly from here on out.
But note that these emails will not be subsequently posted on the site, so if you want to read their content, you have to sign up. The point, after all, is to offer exclusive content for those on the mailing list.
I have gotten a several emails over the past day or two from people who have signed up for the email but did not receive it. This may be because it was caught in your spam filter, but more likely it’s because the email address you may have signed up with in 2006 or 2007 or 2008 is no longer active (i.e. maybe you signed up with hotmail but have since switched to gmail, perhaps you are no longer at your former job, etc).
So here’s what we’ll do…
I’m not going to post the content of the email (about my time in Denver at the Great American Beer Festival) on here, but if you didn’t get it and want to read about it, please 1) sign up for the monthly email with your current, preferably non-work email (due to swear words) on the right; 2) email me at jason_at_jasonmulgrew_dot_com with the subject line “Send me the monthly email” and I’ll personally forward it to you. Because I’m just that nice of a guy.
Got it? Whew. Enough admin – let’s move on.
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Two sites I’d like to recommend if you’re looking for an additional football fix:
- BumpandRun.com. Funny, informative and covers a range of football topics (i.e. real football, fantasy football, survivor picks, etc). Guaranteed to kill at least ten minutes of your work day and put a smile on your face. What more can you ask for?
- TheFantasyFootballGirl.com. I like this one, because Liz and I are in a fantasy football league together, and Liz prides herself on knowing a lot about fantasy football. And all I can say is that she does, indeed, know a lot about fantasy football – FOR A GIRL (zing!). Her most recent post is a letter to our mutual friend Brad, who I trashed last week in our league (sorry, Brad). Check back often, as I’m sure Liz will provide updates about our league and follow my march to a championship.
[Full disclosure: Liz won the league last year. However, I finished third in this is QB-heavy league (QB TDs worth six points, 20 yards per passing point) despite the fact that I took Tom Brady in the first round and lost him in Week One. I'm currently in third place at 2-1 this season and Vegas has my odds on a championship at 6:1.]
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Speaking of Vegas, let’s get some picks in. I’ve only picked for Week One, as I was in Vegas and half-dead over Week Two and in Denver and half-dead for Week Three, so in parens is Week One results.
MORTGAGE (2-0)
NE -2 bal
SF -9.5 stl
PAYCHECK* (1-2)
KC +9 nyg
CLE +6 cin
JAX +3 ten
STEAK DINNER (2-1)
DEN +3 dal
NO -7 nyj
HOU -8.5 oak
CASE O’BEER (2-2)
gb +3.5 MIN
buf -1 MIA
IND -10.5 sea
BEER (1-2)
tb +7.5 WAS
det +10 CHI
PIT -6.5 sd
SEASON TOTAL: 8-7
* Remember, the “Paycheck” section is when I take the three teams getting the heaviest action and bet against them. I went 1-2 last time, because it was a tie: 70% of people were taking NO -13 det and sd -9 OAK, but I picked det +13 in the Paycheck section and lost, and put OAK +9 in the Steak Dinner section and won. This week, the teams getting the heaviest action are the Giants, Bengals and Titans, so I’ll take the Chiefs (very, very begrudgingly), Browns and Jags, just to prove my theory that the majority is usually wrong. I contemplated moving HOU -8.5 in my Mortgage section over SF -9.5, but remembered that Houston’s run defense is terrible, and also they’re the most frustratingly inconsistent team in football. Also, if SF doesn’t dominate this game against a brutal Rams team, Mike Singletary is going to fist-fight each player on his team.
[And remember (part two), the titles represent what I would bet on these games and thus how confident I am, i.e. I'm more secure in taking NE-2, which I'd bet my mortgage on, than tb +7.5, which I'd only be willing to bet a beer on.]
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Six Songs
“La Dolce Vita” Sebastien Tellier
No idea what this song is about, because I only have a limited knowledge of French. I can tell you that the title means, “The Dolce Life,” so that’s a start. Lovely little piano tune that makes me want to get drunk and feel pained (or at least, make pained expressions).
“Because It’s Not Love” The Pipettes
How can I put this…if there ever was a song that you do NOT want to randomly come on your stereo or your iPod speakers when you and your buddies are doing a bunch of drugs and getting pumped for a night out, or if you’re arguing with your girlfriend, trying to convince her that you’re not a homosexual and just have been really tired and stressed lately, well, this is the song. Doesn’t make me love it any less.
“Wasp Nest” The National
I have absolutely no idea how I haven’t recommend this song before. I searched the archives and couldn’t find it, but I almost think that’s wrong. This is one of my favorite songs ever, and usually the song in the “Let’s Make Out or Something” playlist during which I undertake the most daring/stressful part of my seduction: removing my own shirt. Thanks to the power of the song (and some really, really cheap tequila), the girl usually just rolls with it. And by “rolls with it” I mean “makes the sign of the cross and closes her eyes.” And by “girl” I mean “human being of indeterminate gender that I picked up at White Castle.”
“Snails” The Format
How I do Six Songs is that I have a playlist on my iTunes/iPod called “Six Songs Candidates.” Any time I hear a song I think is worth recommending, I put it in the playlist, and once a song has been pimped, I remove it. The playlist usually has 40 or so songs in it at any given time (I try to be somewhat discriminating with what I recommend). This particular song is probably the longest-tenured on the “Six Songs Candidates” playlist. This is not a reflection of the song itself, but rather just that it has yet to strike or move me when I’m writing the Six Songs part of the blog. See? Even now, I have so little to say about it, aside from that it’s a lovely little song and you should definitely listen to it, that I have to explain the “behind the scenes” of the Six Songs process. I’ll stop now.
(Lovely song. Check it out.)
“You Make a Fool Out of Me” Brendan Benson
I could have picked just about any song off Brendan Benson’s poptastic, somewhat new album, “My Old, Familiar Friend.” Love this guy, and this particular song (sadness! strings!).
“The Girl I Love” Led Zeppelin
A balls-out rock song that makes me smile for two reasons: 1) my college band used to play this in practice, though never live, since it’s so hard to sing (still fun, with a straight-up bonerizing bass part to play); 2) are there many better opening lines than, “The girl I love, she got long black wavy hair/I do declare”? Fucking A.
But after thinking about it, I then got sad, because I realized that not only have I never done a girl with long, black way hair, but I don’t even think I’ve made out with a girl with long, black wavy hair – ever. Provided, my memory’s getting worse with age, but I can only remember making out with just one girl with black hair, and it was short.
(Wait – I just remembered another girl that I made out with short black hair. So that’s two. But again, short, not long and wavy.)
And it’s not like I have a type that excludes raven-haired beauties, though my friend Nicole once described my type as “boobied” and “generally not that interested in [me],” which sounds about right to me (actually, I think she said “with big boobies,” but I preferred “boobied”). But as I think back about the rogues’ gallery of girls that I’ve made out with, there’s a noticeable lack of long, black wavy hair. Such is life, I suppose.
Anyway, these are the types of things that you think about when you’re getting drunk alone in your apartment on a Friday night and the large majority of your friends are 3000 miles away. Welcome to my life. But hey, only two months to go.
[Have a good weekend.]