And now it’s time for a game I invented (seriously, look it up – I was doing this shizz when you still had an aol.com email address): the following are search terms entered into Google or other search engines that brought people here in the month of February. Note I had to stop at 15, or else we could keep going for a looooong time. Also note that people are in the internet are total fucking perverts.

[My comments are in brackets.]

- big cock grew.com [My nickname in high school. IN MY DREAMS!]

- cinnamon flavored condom [A little tangential, but, I mean, no one but prostitutes put condoms in their mouths, right?]

- how can i get a handjob from a stripper [If you have to go to google to find an answer for this, I wouldn’t hold your breath for that stripper handjob.]

- how gay is paul Stanley [Tell me about it!]

- huge boobs earphones [What is, “Things My Father Got Me For Christmas in 1997?”]

- is billy joel uncircumcised [No idea, but I really, really want to find the answer. And also meet the person who’s googling this.]

- jason milgrew girlfriend [Close.]

- jayson mulgrew [Also close.]

- jenny lewis boobs [Actually, I think I did this search.]

- “making love and pancakes” [God, I hope this is the name of a song.]

- my mom likes to watch me masturbate [God, I hope this is the name of a film.]

- “pissed the bed” Oktoberfest [Guilty.]

- psychology of sopranos blowjobs [I’m so perplexed by this one that I can’t even make a joke. But I’m going to guess the person who googled this has had sex with less than three people.]

- should i end my engagement [If you’re looking for that answer on my site, yes. 100% yes.]

- turd “to admire my” flushed [Wait, I think I did this one, too.]

- washing sexy baby [Perv.]