If you enjoy this site, you should absolutely give me money.

Now hold on  - don’t stop reading just yet. I know I’m a dick, you know I’m a dick. That’s not the issue.

The issue, man, is that I’ve written a lot of stuff on here. And you’ve spent a lot of time reading that stuff. Through May 2006:

• I have written 1137 pages. But we all know from high school that page numbers can be manipulated based on font and margins. So instead I go by word count.
• I have written 587,340 words. That’s more than a half a million words for you non-numbers people. A whole lot of fucking words.
• To put that into perspective, your standard-sized book is about 80,000 words. Therefore, if you’ve read every post on this site, you’ve read the equivalent of 7.3 books. Congratulations! – you’re officially a “reader”.

And hell, even if you haven’t read everything on the site, you should at least buy me a beer.

I rely on donations because I’m committed to keeping this site ad and pop-up free. This is a terrible decision on my part because I’m literally losing thousands of dollars a year because of my stubbornness, money that I could turn into any number of narcotics, alcoholic drinks, or presents for my ladies (read: french fries I can buy for homeless chicks in exchange for blowjobs). So I appeal to your generosity and ask for some bones, or clams, or whatever you call them.

If you’re looking for a suggestion as to how much to donate, all I ask is that you give whatever you can (preferably over $100). But if you’re still having some trouble, below are some things below that I routinely purchase. Please pick one and buy it for me.

• a bottle of Bud Light at Bleecker Street Bar: $5
• a pint of Guinness at the Keltic Lounge: $6
• a chicken burrito at Festival Mexicano: $8
• chicken pad thai and tip-tum fritters at Sea Thai: $13
• a chicken parm dinner at Vincent’s in Little Italy: $17
• one liter of Ketel One vodka: $26
• $40 worth of pot: $40

Additionally, if you’re wealthy, we can step it up a notch:

• For $100, I will give you something that I have recently worn
• For $500, I will show up at your apartment to have an intense sexual discussion with you (phone sex can be substituted if distance is too great)
• For $1000, I will be your houseboy for a weekend (NO HOLDS BARRED)
• For $10,000, I will marry you. And my love is forever.

So there you have it. Any and all help is most appreciated. Since many of you are too far away to make love to me, your donation is a clear sign that you appreciate me and what I do here. And that makes me all warm and happy inside. And drunk. It makes me drunk too. Which is great.

Thank you for your time and consideration.