Once a month, I will send out a post via email. So sign up.

I’m doing this because I want our relationship to become a little more intimate. Now, all you do is show up, read the day’s post, and move on. But that isn’t doing it for me. I need more attention from you. So in order to take this to the next level, I’d like to send you an email once a month. Not just for me, but for you too. For us.

I know that in the past I’ve had some intimacy problems, but both my therapist and I agree that I’m ready for the next step. I’ve grown (and I don’t mean that physically). I’m no longer the guy who parked outside your house on Tuesdays to watch your window as you got ready for dance practice and then got in a fight with your dad when he called me a drug addict. That guy is gone. So is the guy who got you all messed up at that party and threw you in the empty pool. He is also gone.

(Sorry again about the pool thing. I wish I could say that I thought it was filled with water, but that’d be a lie. I totally knew it was empty and threw you in anyway. What a jerk I was.)

And so I think we should start with this minor step. What exactly do you get out of this, you ask? Well, in the middle of every month, you’ll an email from me with a post. Not just any post, but a kick-ass one. And one that you will not find on the site – ever. I won’t post or archive these on here or anything. You have to sign up or you won’t see it. So it’s "exclusive" content, in as much as a story about "10 Dudes I’d Do" (June’s email post) or "The Five Mistakes That Women Make When Giving Blowjobs" (July’s tentative post) can be called "exclusive."

One thing I can tell you: use a non-work email. I’m going to curse like a mother fucker in these emails and don’t want them getting sent back to me because your company is run by a bunch of Puritans and/or Communists. It’s not my fault you work for a bunch of tight-asses.

What you do with this email post is up to you. You’ll get an email confirming that you’ve signed up immediately after you’ve done so, and then the monthly emails will follow, but after that, it’s your world. Preferably, you’ll read it, pass it on to your friends, encourage them to sign up, and then we’ll all get together in a room at the W and just get crazy on each other. But I know that this might be wishful thinking. I’ll settle if you just read it and pass it on and tell your friends to sign up. I mean, I’m totally down with the party at the W, but I’m not going to be heartbroken if we can’t make it happen. A little down, sure, but not heartbroken.

So sign up below. It’s time. You’re ready. I’m ready. Let’s do this.

Enter E-Mail Address:

[Site Guy Brendan suggested that I point out that I will not share your email address with anyone. To be honest, I don't even know how this shit works. SGB set it up so all I have to do is hit a button and you'll get the email, so I couldn't share your precious email address if I tried. And Brendan is not going to give it to anyone. I can not possibly express how indifferent he is about this whole process, so I think email sharing would be too much work for him. Hopefully, you'll sleep easier at night knowing this.]